Forget Me Not
by thejigsawtimess
Summary: Since the success of Vince Noir's Electro Circus, Vince has been swept up into the partying lifestyle in Camden, leaving Howard behind. Unable to return to their once easy friendship, Vince resorts to drastic measures to get things as they were, causing Howard to lose his memory. Can Vince make him remember all they once shared? Or has the double act finally broken up for good?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Howdy all! This is my first Howince fic - I write a lot of Noelian but I had this idea and couldn't shake it off. So hope you enjoy, I am looking forward to writing this. I plan to update every 1-2 days and if all goes to plan it should be about 8 chapters long. Enjoy! Reviewers mean the world to me.****  
****Also, this fic is rated T for swearing and possible sexytimess later on.  
**

Today:

_Ugh, _Vince thought in disgust as he watched Howard saunter past the kitchen in his trademark muted Hawaiian shirt, earth-coloured corduroy trousers and worn sandals. With socks.

_I could sort him out in ten minutes flat if he'd just let me. Why does he insist on inflicting his hideous outfits on the unsuspecting trendies of Camden? _

Vince did consider that he might be being a tad harsh but ever since The Velvet Onion had been closed down (something to do with Bob Fossil's secret underground service for equine forced marriages – Vince purposefully hadn't sought out the details) leading to the rapid decline of any remotely acceptable social events, Vince had been so bored. All he had to focus on nowadays was his dull job at the Nabootique, which had few perks aside from the stash of lollies Howard kept for him under the counter that he thought Vince didn't know about, and of course the admiring girls that wandered in, feigning interest in the assorted bric-a-brac but eventually giving in and fawning over Vince's hair, outfit and general presence. Aside from the ever-thrilling life of shop-keeping, the only other distraction Vince had was Howard.

After The Velvet Onion closed, Vince tried to slip back into the easy banter they had always shared, but found to his surprise and dismay, that his usual methods to get Howard's attention weren't working. Vince tried to think what might have caused this drastic change in their relationship.

_How long has it been since I've had a night in with Howard? I've been a bit AWOL recently I guess… it's just been party central for Vince Noir for quite a while now!_

It was true, ever since his debut show 'Vince Noir's Electro Circus' (which had been a '_out_raaaaging success' according to Shaman Weekly), Vince's popularity had skyrocketed and now everyone wanted a piece of him. All he had to do was make an appearance at a party and the host would weep or faint from the sheer joy of having their venue hold such an admired member of the Camden Elite. Walking into any club within a 10 mile radius, Vince could get unlimited free drinks for him and his friends and more phone numbers than he could stuff into his usually pocketless outfits. (Girls and boys). Vince had never really thought about how it might all be affecting Howard, but as soon as all the constant partying died down and Vince actually had a few moments unconsumed with backcombing or applying mascara to think about things properly, guilt surged through him.

_He probably feels well left out._

Vince's gloomy thought drifted into his mind as the tattered remains of what had been a last-ditch effort to drag Howard into a shoelace crimp hung limp and lifeless in the air.

As the weeks went by however and Howard made no attempt to reconcile with Vince whenever he attempted to reconnect with his best friend (if that's what he still was) Vince's feelings of bashful regret and guilt soon turned into irritation at the cold-shoulder treatment he was receiving.

_Alright so I've been a bit self-centred recently but he can't expect me to suck up to him forever because of it. _

It was after one particularly cold dismissal on Howard's part that Vince finally decided to give up trying to get back in the good books of the jazzy freak.

Yesterday:

"Alright Howard?" Vince strolled down the stairs into the cluttered shop, aiming a bright smile in Howard's direction, where he was sitting behind the counter, flicking through a magazine with disinterest.

"Hmm." Howard mumbled vaguely, not even bothering to look up at Vince, who had made a special effort that morning, wearing an even more customised and now dyed black version of the Zookeeper jacket he had worn when he worked there with Howard.

"What you reading then?" Vince said, lacing his voice with extra pep and strolling over to lean over Howard's shoulder.

"Global Explorer. D'you mind? I'm trying to read here. S'not like you would understand it anyway. Go and read _Cheekbone_ or something equally mind-numbing for half an hour would you?"

Luckily Howard couldn't see the expression of fury on Vince's face from where he was huddled over his precious copy of Global Explorer, but he did notice the violent clapping of Vince's heels against the linoleum as he stalked away and back up the stairs without another word. All in all, the way Vince saw it – he was perfectly entitled to be critical of Howard's clothes, hair, attitude, shop-keeping abilities and whatever else he could think of (there was a long list) due to the unfair and frankly cruel way Howard was treating him.

Today:

Howard walked back out from the direction of the bathroom again, smoothing his terrible shirt. Vince rolled his eyes and turned back to his bowl of Coco Pops.

"Morning." Howard said gruffly as he entered the kitchen, reaching for the kettle and switching it on.

Vince just gave the slightest inclination of his head, still seething from Howard's words the day before. Howard didn't even seem to notice.

_I can't believe he was so rude! The twat. I was being nice! Well if he thinks I'm gonna be the 'sunshine kid' for him now he can forget it._

Coffee made, Howard took a sip (burning his tongue slightly, to Vince's quiet amusement) and turned to walk, cup in hand, out of the kitchen. Before exiting he stopped and turned to look at Vince briefly, his mouth slightly open as if he were about to say something. He clearly thought better of it and looked away in an exasperated fashion – making his way down to open up the shop. Vince finished his cereal quickly and stood up to take his bowl to the sink.

"Work's gonna be fun today!" Vince sighed to himself as soon as Howard had disappeared below.

"Yeah well I ain't payin' you for fun." Vince nearly jumped out of skin at the sound of Naboo's voice behind him. With all the Howard-related drama recently, Vince had almost forgotten the small, shiny-faced Shaman and his furry familiar – especially as they both seemed never to be around anymore. Off on 'Shamanic duties' apparently. "Get your ass down there, I need **two** shopkeepers you lazy berk."

"Alright, alright! Don't get your turban in a twist!" Naboo just looked at him flatly.

_Alright, it wasn't my best joke but I've had a rough few weeks!_

Vince widened his eyes slightly and looked away, murmuring "tough crowd" under his breath.

"No. Naboo and Bollo have good sense of humour. Vince made bad pun." Vince jumped again and looked up to see Bollo suddenly standing next to Naboo.

_Great. Even Bollo's turned on me, _thought Vince bitterly as he sighed again and pushed past his flatmates towards the stairs.

"Oh yeah, Vince, I forgot to tell you. Me and Bollo are going on a… business trip. Shaman stuff. We'll be back in a week or so. You and Howard okay to look after the shop till then?"

Naboo's words made Vince stiffen. Alone for a whole week (or more) with Howard? This wouldn't have been a problem in the old days. Back when Howard wasn't being all weird with him, Vince would have leapt at the chance to spend some unsupervised quality time with his best friend. The week would be chock-a-block full of Satsuma fights, crimprovisations (a word he and Howard had devised for the creation of a crimp) and maybe even a few cuddles on the sofa if he could get Howard to relax enough. But now Vince had no idea what it would be like. Howard would probably go out and see Lester Corncrake or attend extra Jazzercise classes just to avoid the hostile, awkward silences that surrounded them now.

_But what choice do I have? I still owe Naboo for covering for me about the whole accidentally-setting-the-zoo-on-fire thing… He's been really good about it actually, I don't even think he's told Bollo or it would have got around by now. Bollo's a massive gossip. _

"Yeah. No worries Naboolio." Vince tried desperately to keep all the anxiety out of his voice by distracting Naboo with a nickname.

"Okay. Good. Don't let Howard do anything stupid. And don't call me that." With that, Naboo turned to head back towards his bedroom, followed closely by a lumbering gorilla.

Vince reluctantly turned back to the descending staircase and walked hesitantly down to the shop below. Upon entering the Nabootique, Vince found Howard sitting in the same position as yesterday, hunched over the counter, peering down at something in a book. Vince sighed, rolled his eyes and started to walk over when suddenly, Howard jumped, his head snapping up wide-eyed, as if the only thing that had alerted him to Vince's presence had been the clack of his white boots on the linoleum.

_Wow, he must have been engrossed. I wish I had something that could hold my attention for that long._

In one swift movement, before Vince could even register what was happening, Howard had jumped up, slammed the book closed and swept it off the counter where it was now tucked securely under his arm.

"Howard what-"

"None of your business." Howard retorted before Vince could even finish his question, walking forcefully past the younger man and knocking into his shoulder as he strode over to place the book on one of the highest shelves in the shop, one you needed a stepladder to reach.

_He knows I can't go up a stepladder in heels!_

Without a word, Howard turned and walked back to his previous position on the stool behind the counter.

_Wait a minute – is he blushing?_

Maybe before, when things were normal between them, Vince would have made more of a big deal out of this – obviously Howard was reading something embarrassing in that book and this sort of thing would have given Vince hours of teasing material – but now, he found he couldn't be bothered to find out what kind of weird fetish Howard was feeding before opening up shop this morning. Instead, Vince rolled his eyes and went to turn the sign from 'Fuck off we're closed' to 'Well come on in then'.

_Me and Howard drew that sign, _Vince thought a little sadly, before shrugging it off and turning back to face the day.

* * *

"Vince!" Vince sat bolt upright at the sound of his name. He had been lying on his back in the stockroom (which was really more of a small dimly lit cupboard crammed with junk not even the he could sell) playing with a set of crystal chess pieces – holding a pawn up to the tiny box window and watching the light refract into a stripy rainbow – when he heard Howard's annoyed shout.

"Vince!"

_Shit, he sounds more than annoyed actually – what did I do?_

Vince peered round the door and was met by Howard's furious gaze, his arms filled with colourful fabrics. They hadn't had a customer all day and while Vince had snuck out to the stockroom to escape the tension and deafening silence, Howard had decided to do some stocktaking of the items out on display.

"Where's all the clothes?" Howard looked so ridiculous Vince could barely keep a smile off his face. Seeing Howard laden with glittery, vibrant items of clothing was not something one saw every day and in his haste to keep a careful account of each garment, Howard had clearly decided the best option (as his hands were already full) was to wear some of the clothes as hats, scarves, sashes and cloaks.

"Umm…I think you might be holding some…"

Vince's mouth was quivering – a smile threatening to burst forth at any moment.

"No you berk! The _rest _of the clothes! We had at least ten more stupid sparkly shirts than this and I suppose it's just a coincidence that all the boots that are missing just _happen_ to be in your size?"

The smile was gone now; Vince tried not to look down at his boots. Hopefully Howard wouldn't notice they were the ones Naboo brought back from Zooberon last week with a few customisations (_by hand!)._

"Listen, Howard, I only borrowed them-"

"Oh for God's sake Vince! These aren't your clothes to just take and swan about in as you please! I realise your oh-so-trendy mates would probably faint if you wore the same outfit twice but you can't just _steal _the items we sell! Do you have any idea how much money you might've lost us? Where are they all now then? Ruined I suppose. Spilled alcopop down them when you were pole dancing or whatever the hell it is you do when you go out?"

Vince just stared wordlessly at Howard as he ranted, his gaze fixed and steady, trying to control the anger bubbling through his veins. Seemingly unaware of Vince's reaction, Howard continued uninterrupted.

"You are going to replace every single one of these items d'you hear me? God, when Naboo finds out about this…"

_When Naboo finds out? Does he not care about me at all anymore? A few weeks ago he would've died before telling Naboo about this and risking me getting into trouble. Guess we're not a double act anymore, huh?_

Clenching his teeth so hard it was audible in the otherwise empty shop, Vince stormed out of the room and up the stairs, ignoring Howard's angry calls after him. He flung open their bedroom door and delved into his wardrobe, searching through the thousands of multi-coloured and sequinned array of clothes until he found everything he was looking for.

When Vince emerged back down in the shop, he was clutching as many garments as Howard was and for a moment they just stood and glared at each other.

Had any one of the innocent passers-by chosen that moment to peer into the windows of this kooky little bric-a-brac shop he or she (or it) would probably have burst out laughing at the absurdity of the sight before them – two fully grown men (although it was arguable in Vince's case) stood across from each other, their fierce, angry expressions just visible from in between folds of the litany of assorted clothes and accessories they were both entirely draped in. It looked rather like Vince and Howard had been caught in a war between some of the more outlandish fashion designers who inexplicably were using their own ranges as ammunition.

Vince threw down the heap of fashions he was holding, where they landed in a pile at Howard's feet.

"HERE. God, if it's that bloody IMPORTANT to you and your stupid stocktaking have it all back! I SAID I was BORROWING it! I only wore each thing once anyway and yeah I got a bit of Flirtini on the white velvet rhinestone jacket but as you can SEE I spent ages sewing that zebra print on the collar so you can't even see it no more!"

Howard was still fuming, and Vince knew he hated being proven wrong. Normally Howard would have just spent the next few hours hanging it all up and sulking to himself, eventually coming to find Vince, looking all shame-faced and embarrassed and suggesting they watch Colobos the Crab. This time however, it seemed like Howard wasn't going to let it drop.

"Is that everything?"

"YES for Christy's sake."

_Except the boots please don't ask about the boots._

"I'm telling you right now Vince – don't let this happen again."

"Howard you don't understand! I have to-"

"VINCE I am not going to tell you again, this is unacceptable-"

"Oh fuck off Howard."

Vince scarpered up the stairs too quickly to see Howard's jaw drop open slightly at Vince's words. Even when their arguments got really heated (which was inevitable when they'd been living in such close proximity of one another for so long) Vince had never, ever sworn at him like that. Vince was made of sunshine and glitter and lollipops – at least he was when Howard was around. He must have been really angry.

* * *

Locked in the bathroom (the only place any form of privacy could be achieved in the flat) Vince stared at himself in the mirror through hot, angry tears that threatened to spill over at any moment _ruining _his mascara.

_Stupid, idiotic, uncaring Howard. It was stupid of me to even think he'd understand! He's got the fashion sense of a blind geography teacher with an allergic reaction to colour. He doesn't know the pressure I was under as one of the Camden Elite! Those people are famous for being the shallowest, most fashionable trendsetters in the world! Sometimes it took me days to put together an outfit suitable for their judging eyes and when I was desperate for material I was hardly gonna go raking through Howard's wardrobe was I? And on top of that, he was so…mean! I fessed up to it didn't I? He didn't have to yell at me._

At this point the tears won out and poured messily down Vince's cheeks, bleeding mercilessly through his thick stiffened lashes and leaving dark, tell-tale trails of flaky black in their wake.

_The old Howard would never have been like that. The old Howard would be up here right now pounding on the door begging me to forgive him and dragging me into a crimp. The old Howard would wipe away my tears and let me play Gary Numan full blast until I felt he was sorry enough and then_ _let me crawl under the covers with him without all the usual kicking and complaining. _

Wiping away his tears with the back of his hand, Vince tried to turn on the tap to wash his smeared face, but kept accidentally knocking bottles and tubes to the floor in his haste and bending down to pick them up. On closer inspection, the thousands of bottles littering the sink were labelled in some kind of foreign, alien language.

_Ah, Naboo's stuff then. _

Vince looked at the pink bottle in his hand and furrowed his brow for a moment. Suddenly a thought struck him.

_If my old Howard is gone, I'm gonna find a way to get him back. _


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter 2 - what is Vince up to? :o **

When Vince finally emerged from the bathroom in a towel turban and another slung around his hips, Howard was in the living area with Naboo. Vince hung back a bit so they wouldn't see him and listened to their conversation.

"You're leaving? Where to?"

Peering round the wall Vince was leaning against, Vince could just about make out the backs of Naboo and Bollo and saw them turn to look at each other shiftily in response to Howard's question.

"Shaman business."

_Wow Naboo is talking in his no-nonsense voice. I usually crumble like a rice cake when he talks to me like that._

"Shaman business? Naboo you're the owner of this shop, you can't just take off at a moment's notice whenever you please!"

_Howard's not a pushover like me._

"Not moment's notice. Naboo and Bollo tell Vincey this morning."

_Shit. Thanks Bollo. _

"Oh right well that makes all the difference. Nice of Vince to tell me anyway."

"Yeah well we'll be back in about a week. Tell Vince we said bye and not to use my Miracle Wax. It doesn't come cheap that stuff."

Vince watched Naboo and Bollo awkwardly shuffle past a disgruntled-looking Howard and descend the stairs with a careless wave.

_That's it then. Me and Howard. Alone. A whole week. I can't do it like this. It's now or never._

As quietly as he could, Vince retreated back down the corridor and paused outside Naboo's bedroom door. Taking a deep breath, he turned the handle and pushed the door open slightly – just enough to slip inside and close it carefully behind him, making minimal noise. Only then did he look around.

_Woah! Naboo you mucky pup, you've let this place go a bit!_

Every spare bit of space was completely littered with bottles, pots, tubes and vials of varying sizes and colours. Some were empty but most contained an assortment of liquids, creams and powders – some that looked disturbingly ominous, especially the ones that were either bubbling or smoking. A thick, damp haze filled the room, making it a bit difficult to breathe and making Vince feel a bit lightheaded.

If he had more time, Vince might have flitted about looking at the different concoctions and wondering if he could apply them to his hair or skin – or maybe even use them as paint for one of his Charlie illustrations, but Vince was on a mission. Howard could potentially walk in at any moment. Without wasting another second, Vince picked his way through the many containers to Naboo's 'secret' potions cupboard. Picking up bottles at random, Vince skimmed the labels with quick, darting eyes.

_Everlasting Eyeliner, Party-Animal Fatigue Resistance, Blisterless Boot Protector… Hmm, I think Naboo must have sensed I'd come snooping at some point…_

Taking a quick look behind him at the securely closed door, Vince reached his bare, skinny arm to the back of the small cupboard and plucked a few bottles out.

_Ah this is more like it: Turban-Secure, Flying Carpet Cleaner, Youth Juice, Invisibility Serum, Amnesia-lixir- aha! Amnesia-lixir! _

Vince dropped the other bottles, letting them tumble around his bare feet, spilling drops everywhere and peered more closely at the label of the Amnesia-lixir.

"_Do you have unwanted memories clogging up your or someone else's brain? Is there something you would rather forget or erase from someone else's mind? Do you yearn for a time when things were easier and less complicated? Then this is the elixir for you! Just add a few drops to your drink and you can wave goodbye to your troubles as you feel your memories slip away."_

_Wow. This sounds perfect! I can just erase Howard's memory! He'll forget about me abandoning him for those months and we can go back to how everything was! The old team back together. Perfect! Ooh and there's Naboo's miracle wax behind that green goo stuff, I might just borrow that._

Vince tucked the items into the waistband of his towel and began picking his way back across the room towards the door. Unfortunately, the bottles he had dropped onto the floor had spilled their contents, creating a slippery patch, and when Vince took a step he flew forwards, landing face down in a heap of plastic containers. Bleary eyed, he lifted his head slowly.

_Ow, what the- _

A bottle so neon green it was practically glowing swam into focus before Vince's eyes.

_Shiny…_

Vince reached out slowly to grab hold of the fluorescent container, his cerulean eyes wide and curious as he brought it close to read the label. The writing on this one was different, it looked like someone had scrawled the words on messily with a marker pen. In fact, it was almost unmistakeably Bollo's handwriting.

"_Naboo's Poshun Enharncer" _

Momentarily confused, Vince's eyes skimmed the label a few more times before understanding.

_Ohhh, "Naboo's Potion Enhancer". Oh wow. This is brilliant! I'll take some of this and all._

In fact, being the very type of person who wants everything he sees, a few more labels caught Vince's eye on his way out of the room, though none so exciting as the bright green one. By the time Vince had managed to sneak out the door and creep back down the hall to lock himself in the bathroom once more, he had a tube of "Chillax Paste" (which claimed to give the user a laidback attitude to life), a jar of "Dress Sense" (which were pills, supposed to be taken daily, that gave the person ingesting them an affinity for effortless style) and a little pot of something sparkly that he was pretty sure was nail polish (although the label was in Zooberese) along with the other items he already had.

_Phew, that was close. Glad Howard didn't see. Especially since my towel fell down long ago. Anyway, better get on I suppose._

Vince stared down at the many items before him. He had laid them all out on the seat of the toilet so he could assess them properly. Picking up as many of the empty-ish bottles surrounding the sink as he could fit in his hands, Vince walked over and dumped the containers into the bath with a clatter.

_Shit, I hope Howard didn't hear that. Not that he'd probably care if he heard me strangling myself with the shower._

Plugging up the now-cleared sink, Vince grabbed the first of the bottles from the toilet seat – the "Amnesia-lixir" and poured all of it into the basin. It was a thick, pink viscous liquid, oozing out of the bottle at a glacial pace that made Vince squirm with anxiety and keep frantically turning to look at the locked door.

_Ugh, it looks like Charlie when he's been sunbathing too long!_

Without hesitation, Vince grabbed the next bottle – "The Chillax Paste" – and squeezed it in, followed by all of the remaining "Dress Sense" pills left in the jar. Once this was done, Vince was suddenly hit with the crippling realisation that he had no idea what he was doing. He didn't even know if you were supposed to take some of these things orally – he could be poisoning Howard for all he knew!

For a moment it all seemed ridiculous. Vince nearly laughed himself out of it and scolded himself for being melodramatic - but then he remembered the expression in Howard's eyes when he accused him of stealing this morning and knew he had to continue.

_I refuse to live with Howard hating me._

He nearly added the "Miracle Wax" before remembering with a skittish laugh that he wanted that for himself. Glancing down at the only remaining bottle, Vince's eyes sparkled a bit with anticipation.

_The "Potion Enhancer"…_

With slightly trembling hands, Vince uncorked the bulbous glass bottle, filling the small room with a pleasant, tangy smell and upturned it into the concoction. Upon impact, the bright green liquid seemed to react viciously with the rest of the ingredients, causing bubbles and fizzing.

_Fuck! Did I just see sparks?_

Shielding his eyes for a moment, Vince heard the brew start to simmer down and he risked a careful stir with the end of his hairbrush. Nothing terrible seemed to happen, aside from the mixture turning a deep purple, so Vince kept stirring until the last of the pills had dissolved and his arm felt like an overcooked noodle.

_It's so worth it. So worth it. Howard will stop being a twat, I'll get away with months of neglect and bad friendship, peace and harmony will be restored in the Nabootique – we can both just forget this ever happened. Howard just needs a helping hand that's all…_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: What has Vince created? Chapter 3 comin at ya like a BEE like a RAY! Drastic changes alert, yes sir!**

Vince tiptoed out into the hall, clutching a bottle of what looked like his favourite raspberry and dragon tears shampoo. What anyone who might have seen Vince at that moment wouldn't know is that Vince had carefully filled the bottle with the potion before leaving the bathroom, being sure to drain the sink and clear away any tell-tale signs of secret potion-making. He walked carefully down towards the kitchen, a new towel now safely back in place, his shoulders tense and his eyes wide. From the direction of his and Howard's bedroom, Vince heard the soft brassy sounds of a trumpet float past his ears. Vince immediately relaxed, letting go of a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

_If Howard's lost in the bloody hoodoo trance or whatever, he won't be out for hours. _

Vince walked into the kitchen, the notes of Howard's soft, sad tune wrapping around him like a security blanket, allowing him to get on with his plan efficiently without fear of being caught.

_Don't worry Howard. I'll fix you up, soon you'll be as trendy and cool as me and we can be bezzers again. _

Vince flicked on the kettle, setting the bottle down on the counter as he found two mugs. He waited impatiently for the water to boil, tapping his foot and sighing frequently – he had never been one for patience. His eyes kept being drawn back to the bottle, like it was pulling his gaze from the mundane domesticity of the kitchen to the only exciting thing in the room (other than Vince himself of course).

_Hmm? I swear it was a bit further away before… Is it vibrating?_

Vince reached out his fingers towards the bottle that appeared to be almost shivering by now, when suddenly the sound of the kettle's whistle made him start and jump backwards, his hand over his heart like a swooning damsel.

_Get it together. _

Vince made the two tea's quickly, so used to this ritual that he didn't even need to think about leaving Howard's teabag in a minute longer than his own, giving himself half a cup of milk but Howard just a splash and, most importantly, dropping six teaspoons of sugar into his own cup and Howard just a half spoon.

Flashback

"Vince, that is disgusting." Howard said with affection lacing his voice as he watched Vince use his teaspoon to scrape out the sugary, biscuity mush at the bottom of his mug and into his mouth.

"S'not!" Vince tried to sound defensive and annoyed but it was difficult when he was curled up next to Howard, the older man's arm around his shoulders. "What's disgusting is having NO sugar in your tea or nothing, it tastes like herbs and bitterness."

"Real men don't have sugar in their tea Vince, they enjoy the strong flavour of the leaves – as tea was supposed to be drunk." Howard replied.

"Yeah, right. I've seen you sneaking in a half a teaspoon when you thought I wasn't looking." Vince was sucking on his spoon now, looking cheekily up at Howard, knowing he had caught him out.

"…Err. Don't tell anyone that will you Vince?" Howard blushed and had to look away from Vince's gaze.

Vince sighed. "Alright then you sheep-following weirdo. It'll be our little secret."

End Flashback

Vince smiled to himself at the memory as he stirred the tea. Then he remembered the situation they were currently in and found himself on the brink of tears.

_I'm going to make things even better than they once were. Howard, you'll be better than ever in no time. _

With grim determination set on his features, Vince grabbed the bottle from the side and emptied the whole contents into Howard's 'Jazz Maverick of the Year' mug. Oddly, the purple liquid seemed not to add to the volume of the tea in any way, so Vince was able to easily take both mugs in hand and walk towards the bedroom, Howard's music getting louder and louder as he approached the large wooden door. Stopping outside for a second, Vince took a deep breath.

_Here goes. _

He knocked with his foot on the oak panel and waited for an answer. Howard's tune continued uninterrupted, as if he was completely oblivious to the sound. Vince knocked again a little louder. Still nothing. He knocked a third time, kicking the door hard and shouting Howard's name. He knew from experience how difficult it was to get Howard out of a Jazz trance, especially if he was deep in the juju.

Finally the sound of the trumpet came to an abrupt halt and Vince heard an irritated mumble coming from inside, accompanied by footsteps. The door was wrenched open, causing Vince to step backwards in surprise as he took in Howard's irritated expression, his brow furrowed in confusion and annoyance. There was something else lingering in his eyes as well as he looked Vince up and down. Vince was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was wearing only a towel.

_Why the hell did I think it would be a good idea to do this half naked?_

"What is it?"

Vince was jolted back into plan-mode at the sound of Howard's voice, spurred on because he didn't even sound that angry, just tired and irritable.

"I err… brought you some tea." Vince thrust the drink forwards, offering it out to Howard, who immediately looked suspicious.

"Why?"

Vince looked confused and looked down at his feet, a fresh wave of guilt washing over him.

_Idiot, of course he's gonna be suspicious, you haven't made him tea in months._

"I just… did. An apology for… y'know. Earlier."

_The guilt will be gone soon the guilt will be gone soon-_

Howard suddenly snatched the mug out of Vince's hand, scalding them both with hot tea. Vince yelped in surprise and drew his hand back, watching as Howard started angrily cursing Vince for making it too hot.

"Look, calm down will you! You're such a drama queen sometimes, Christy." Vince carefully set down his mug and reached out to take Howard's hand and examine the damage. Howard pulled his hand away as if it had been – well, burnt – and retreated back into his room, muttering insults under his breath that Vince pretended not to hear.

_You're welcome. _

After a moment of deliberation, shifting from foot to foot and chewing his lip, Vince decided he had to go in and see if the potion worked. Picking up his tea, he walked into their dark bedroom, careful to not close the door behind him in case he needed a quick escape. Howard was sat on his bed, trumpet carefully back in it's case on the floor. He looked up at Vince as though he was an intruder as opposed to the person he had shared a room with for years. Vince held up a hand in defence.

"Alright! But unless you want me to wander round the flat in a towel for the next week, I need come in for a sec."

Howard suddenly blushed and looked at his knees.

_That's a weird reaction._

Vince shrugged it off and headed over to his – far messier and much more colourful – side of the room, pulling a t-shirt and pair of skinny jeans out of the pile in front of his wardrobe that he had flung out in anger earlier and laid them on his bed. Then it got a bit awkward.

_He's just sitting there. I can't get dressed with him just watching! Sigh. Towel it is. _

Vince sat down on the bed next to his clothes and looked awkwardly into the space in front of him. Remembering the whole reason for being there, Vince took a long, audible gulp of tea. It worked, Howard suddenly seemed to remember his mug was sitting on the bedside table next to him and he reached out for it. Vince held his breath.

_This is it. Goodbye, grumpy jazzy unstylish Howard…_

Everything seemed to slow down for a moment. Vince watched Howard bring the mug to his lips at a pace that seemed slower than the goofy moon's orbit round the earth. Vince's eyes drank in the image of Howard, sitting on his bed as he's seen so many times before, in his fawny Hawaiian shirt that was beginning to wear thin at the shoulders, his cappuccino smudge of a moustache - _it felt well tickly when I kissed him that night..._ – and his trademark darting eyes, that were a smooth, rich brown if you were lucky enough to get close enough to see.

_And I was lucky enough._

For a fleeting moment, Vince had the urge to dart forward and knock the cup out of Howard's hand, stopping this whole mad venture and spending the rest of his life (if that's what it took) making it up to Howard.

_No. I won't be thrown aside and discarded like a used toy just cos I was a bit mean. I'm Vince Noir – Rock and Roll Star! I could use a cooler friend anyway. If he knew about this I'm sure he'd thank me. _

Vince's lip started to bleed as a result of all the chewing, but he barely noticed.

Howard's chocolatey eyes glanced up at Vince once more and his brow creased. He took a long, deep drink of his tea.

Nothing happened.

Then…

"Vince?"

Vince's heart jumped a mile.

"Did you put a whole spoon of sugar in here? You know I hate that! Or have you forgotten that too? Honestly I-"

_Extra sugar? That's all? I didn't even put extra in! God Naboo, your potions are shit, exactly what makes you a Shaman? I might take this up with the board, I bet they-_

Vince suddenly noticed that Howard had gone very quiet. This wasn't unusual for Howard usually, but he had actually stopped mid-rant. Especially recently, this was cause for concern.

"…Howard?"

Vince tentatively stood up and took half a step towards him. Howard was clutching the bedcovers now and looking very pale.

"Howard, are you alright?"

Vince was suddenly filled with concern. Panic laced his voice as he took a few more steps towards his friend.

_Oh god what have I done oh god._

Howard looked up at Vince, his eyes wider than Vince would have thought possible unless he was seeing it before him. Howard opened his mouth and let out a stream of unintelligible sounds. It sounded almost like a tape being rewound, the words stumbling backwards over each other in a squeaky tumble.

"Howard! Howard, I'm so sorry, it's okay!" Forgetting all about feuds and neglect and bad friendship, Vince flung his arms around Howard and, sitting on the bed next to him started rocking him slowly as he continued to let out the sounds.

All at once, he stopped and Vince sat up to look at him properly, his face screwed up with fear and anxiety, his heart beating like Spider on his bongo's.

_This is not the time to be thinking about music!_

To Vince's horror, sparks suddenly shot out of Howard's ears, making the man resemble a mini fireworks display.

"Oh my god! Howard!"

Vince tried to put his hands over Howard's ears but only succeeded in burning the palm of his hand. The sparks stopped abruptly and Howard, glassy-eyed and dumbfounded, slumped over sideways, landing on his pillow, out cold.

Reacting instinctively, Vince crawled up next to him and started stroking his hair soothingly.

"Oh god, Howard what the hell have I done?" Vince whispered to an unconscious man.

A few hours later, Vince couldn't lie still any longer. Sleep was out of the question, since he was terrified out of his mind that Howard would slip away from him in this state. He sat up, intent on doing something to help him but with no plan in place.

_Howard was always the man with the plan._

Feeling certain that there would be no eyes on him now, Vince shed the towel and pulled on the clothes he had laid out, not even bothering to look in the full length, gilded silver mirror with light bulbs around the edge before rushing back to Howard's side.

_God, I'm fucking useless, what do I do? I can't call Naboo… not yet, then I'll have to tell him what I did._

Filled with despair, Vince went to get Howard a cold flannel because that's what he'd seen people do in films. When he returned, Howard was in the same position, his eyes closed and on his side. Vince blinked the tears away from his smarting eyes and cautiously went to roll Howard onto his back. Draping the flannel over his best friend, Vince started to mutter to himself.

"Please wake up, please wake up, please, please, please…"

For the next hour, Vince tried everything he could think of to rouse the sleeping man. He tried crimping, shouting at him, slapping him, threatening to bite all of his records, threatening to midnight-barber off his moustache, even playing jazz – ignoring the rashes that began to prickle his skin as he heard the scatting. None of it worked. Howard remained still and quiet, unmoving except for the steady rise and fall of his chest. As a last ditch attempt, Vince had one more idea.

"Alright sleeping beauty," he mumbled tearfully, "time to wake up."

_If his love of his own music couldn't wake him up, maybe his hatred of mine will._

Vince clicked play on the boombox Vince kept on the shelf above his bed, letting the twanging, synthesised sounds of The Human League fill the room. Unable to keep from dancing a little, Vince shuffled over to Howard, almost frightened to look at his best friend's blank face when he knew this was his last idea.

Instead, when he leaned over Howard's face, Vince's heart surged with joy. Howard's eyes were beginning to flutter and he was making little breathy sounds as he fought his way back to consciousness. Vince wanted to laugh, to cry, to hit him, to kiss him-

_Woah. That was a weird thought. I do though. I wanna hit him for putting me through that but if I didn't think he would totally freak out or push me off a roof like last time, I would go at him._

Howard's eyes opened wider and an expression of fear and extreme confusion was quickly evident on his face.

"Oh Howard! You wanker, I thought you were dying!" Without hesitation, Vince threw himself over the older man's chest, letting the tears run down his cheeks.

"What the- get off me!" Vince slid off him with confusion.

_What? Hasn't it worked?_

"Who the hell are you?"

**A/N: Dun dun DUN! Just wanted to say thanks for reading if you are, I would really appreciate any reviews you have. I will try and update very soon - probably tomorrow, maybe tonight if I'm feeling super inspired. Next chapter, Vince is going to have to improve his attitude ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Oh gawsh, sorry this is a bit late I know it's like 2:00 am but I literally wouldn't rest until this chapter was up! I know exactly how this is going to go now, I am pretty sure there will be 8-9 chapters in total. So anyway, Vince is an idiot. Fancy not reading the label! Thanks for reading and any reviews are greatly appreciated. **

Vince couldn't speak. He stared at Howard's frightened, confused face with his mouth open and eyes unblinking.

_He looks like a little boy…_

Vince had only ever seen Howard this vulnerable one other time. He purposefully didn't ever allow himself to think about the time when he had, seeing Howard looking weak was not something he thought he could ever handle. Despite being aware that underneath all his declarations of being a manly intellectual-type, Howard was desperately insecure, Vince hated seeing his the man who had taught him everything look broken or scared. But now the memory burst forth, threatening to drown him in its vivid realism.

Flashback

Charlie was asleep on the grass, his pink, rubbery skin stretching out in several directions and seeping into the ground slightly. He was breathing heavily, as if the weight of his almighty hide was weighing him down. More likely, it was the weight of a 5'10" electro-poof sprawled on top of him, his entire body immersed in the soft, squidgy goo. The sun was beating down and Vince could feel Charlie begin to sink as he melted in the heat, but he had no intention of moving. He couldn't even bring himself to care too much when he thought about how the bubblegum would probably get stuck in his perfectly styled coiffure. Vince just closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet, strawberry smell that filled the air.

_Mmm… so comfy. I could lie here forev-_

"Ooooaaarggghhhh!"

Vince suddenly jerked awake, his mind still reeling with images of sunlit meadows and bubblegum beasts. He sat up and quickly looked around in a daze, waiting impatiently for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room so he could figure out the source of the awful noise.

"Arrrrghhhhh! No! Noooo! Don't lock me in here! Don't leave me! You can't! Vince! Naboo! Viiiince!"

Vince recognised Howard's voice immediately and threw off his sequinned covers to stumble over to him in the dark.

"Arrgh! Someone help! They've gone! Anybody? Vince!"

Vince, stepping on a few hair clips and kicking a few saxophone cases, eventually found his way to Howard's bedside and grabbed hold of the older man's shoulders, shaking him roughly.

"Howard!"

"No! Nooo!"

"HOWARD, you bumbaklat! Wake up!"

Howard's eyes shot open suddenly, and taking in the sight of Vince leaning over him, he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around his best friend, sobbing into his shoulder. Vince stood there awkwardly for a moment, stooping slightly to lean over Howard. Then, as if by instinct, he knew exactly what to do. He slid his arm around Howard's back, trying to carefully shift him over a bit so there was room to climb in next to him. Howard seemed to realise what was happening and all but dragged Vince into the bed with him, his arms still locked around the smaller man's neck – as though ensuring he wouldn't run away. Vince lay facing Howard and let him cry a bit more on his chest, stroking his hair soothingly as Howard himself had done countless times - when Vince had come to him scared of the thunder or the shadowy figure in the corner of the room that was actually just his dressing gown.

"Shhh, it's okay. It was just a bad dream. I'm here now."

Vince muttered versions of this statement into Howard's hair softly until he fell asleep. Shortly after, a shirtless, angry-looking Shaman burst into the room, mouth open as if about to yell about all the racket, but taking one look at Vince's pleading eyes and soothing hands in Howard's hair, along with Howard's own hands clamped securely around Vince, holding them in a tight embrace, Naboo looked almost embarrassed – as if he had interrupted something very private and personal – and quietly left, shutting the door behind them.

_Thank god he didn't say anything. Thought I'd never hear the end of that. _

End Flashback

"What's going on here? What have you done to me?"

Vince wanted to cry, to bolt out of the room, to slap Howard until he stopped pretending he didn't know who he was.

"H-Howard… I-"

"Why are you calling me that? Is that my name?"

"Yes. Howard. Howard Moon. Howard, it's me! Vince. Howard, you know me, you…"

_You know me. Please say you know me. _

"I have never seen you before. Howard Moon? Why don't I remember anything?"

Panic coursed through Howard's words and Vince's entire body.

"Howard you do! You're just a bit disorientated that's all, haha!"

Vince's laugh sounded flat and wrong in the little room. He was trying to laugh it off, to convince himself more than anything.

_It'll wear off, he'll come back. Why the FUCK didn't I read the instructions on that stupid potion? I thought he'd just lose a few unwanted memories not his whole LIFE!  
_

Howard started to rake his hands through his hair, looking around him wildly, as if searching for something, anything he might recognise. His eyes finally landed on Vince, and widened as though trying to absorb as much of him as possible. Vince suddenly gasped.

_His eyes… they're… purple!_

It took over four hours and countless cups of tea to try and convince Howard that this was his life. Vince decided props might help Howard to remember everything.

_Surely _something_ in this flat will trigger his memory and he'll come back to me._

Every time Vince pointed out something new Howard would stare at it intensely, trying to make his mind recognise it and when it didn't work, tears would spring into his eyes and he would try and bolt from the room. Each time, Vince caught him and sat him carefully back on the bed, telling him they would find something to bring it all back and everything would be fine. Vince tried photographs of Naboo, Bollo and even Howard himself – laughing with Vince at the zoo or the one from that Cowboys and Indians dress-up place where Howard had his Cowboy hat on backwards and Vince wore a tasselled skirt. He tried showing Howard his old Jazz records and the various instruments lying around, he tried reading him some of his carefully constructed first-sentences of novels and the Charlie books. He even tried stripping down to his pants and throwing satsumas at him, but this seemed to only scare and alarm Howard, so he quickly got dressed again, blushing slightly.

By the end of the four hours, Vince had managed to calm Howard down enough to actually drink one of the cups of tea Vince had made for him and was fairly certain that Howard now more-or-less believed the following things:

- that he was called Howard T.J Moon

- that he lived in an apartment with Vince and two other people (when Vince tried to explain that Naboo was a Shaman and Bollo was a Gorilla, Howard clamped his hands over his ears and started rocking back and forth, so Vince let it go)

- that he worked in the shop downstairs

- that he was 33 years old.

Nothing else. Every five minutes, Vince found himself on the verge of explaining their relationship but he didn't know where to start. How could he explain the incredible bond they shared, that nobody else had every really understood? It was like they'd had wires connecting their minds – Howard always knew what Vince was thinking, whether to leave him alone or find him his favourite teddy bear (Custard Creamybear) because he was feeling a bit down. There was no way to enter into a conversation like that with someone who thought he'd only known you for a few hours.

"So… do you not remember anything then?"

Howard hadn't said a lot over the course of the schooling session. Now he looked at Vince's averted gaze, trying to shape this strange, alien, glittery kid around what he'd been told was his life. He didn't fit.

"I remember… the normal stuff. The sky is blue, the grass is green, Pieface Showcase is the worst show on the planet…"

Vince's heart leapt into his mouth.

_He remembers Pieface! Make the leap Howard, go on. Milky Joe, the island, me and you bickering and going mad together…_

Howard's face contorted. Draining the last of his tea, he stood up suddenly, looking incredibly weary.

"I think I'm going to go to bed now. Where's my room?"

Vince looked confused.

"Um. Our room's that one Howard." Vince said warily, pointing at the room that he and Howard had come from not fifteen minutes ago.

"What? I sleep in there? With… with you?"

"Yeah."

Howard's expression looked mildly horrified and he shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably.

"I err… I'm not sure I'm too happy about that erm, Vince. It's just, I barely know you and-"

"But-"

"Yes, I know you keep saying I _do_ know you, but… well you understand don't you? Is there by any chance a spare room or something? I'd just feel more comfortable if…"

Howard trailed off, leaving Vince to stare up at him, mouth hanging open, disbelief in his eyes. Without a word, Vince pointed down the hall to the empty room that Naboo had originally intended to be for potion making, but had eventually morphed into a place for Vince to store the girls he sometimes brought back until morning. No way would he have considered taking them into the room he and Howard shared.

Howard nodded his thanks to Vince, tried a small, forced smile and said, "Goodnight Vincent" as he walked away. Vince winced as the door closed behind him and tried hard not to cry.

_Fuck fuck fuck. I've seriously screwed up this time. Everything's worse! I got swept up in the plan, picturing a shiny new trendy, easy-going Howard at the end. Now I'd just settle for the normal, grumpy, jazzy Howard. What if… what if he never comes back? I-_

A wall slammed down in Vince's mind, blocking out the thought before it could properly form. Vince lay down on the sofa, drawing his knees up to his chest and tucking his chin down. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears come, slowly, silently so he wouldn't disturb the sleeping stranger down the hall.

* * *

About two hours later, Vince woke up with a start. He was shrouded in complete darkness, it was enveloping him like a ghostly hand, wrapping its curling fingers around his slight frame. Vince opened his mouth to call out for Howard, but remembered just in time that he would not hear and if he did, he probably would not come.

_I was on the sofa… I must've fallen asleep. _

Safely anchored to a place he knew and understood now, Vince got up quickly and, ignoring the shadowy shapes leering at him from the corners of the room, he strode over to the light switch and turned it on. Light flooded the room, chasing away the ominous creatures of the night and contorting the space back into the familiar living area Vince knew so well. Squinting slightly, Vince's eyes flickered from the heap of discarded items he'd used to try and bring back Howard's memory, to the two empty mugs of tea on the table and suddenly he felt like he was suffocating.

_I can't be in here anymore. _

Before he drove himself crazy with thoughts of the events of the day, Vince turned and ran down the stairs, grabbing his silver Topshop coat before rushing out onto the street. It was bitterly cold and even though the street lamps were on, Vince felt like a thousand eyes were watching and judging from their blacked out hiding places in the alleyways of the narrow street.

_Is it always this empty at night?_

Determined to get as far away from the situation as possible, Vince wrapped his coat tightly around his body and began to walk. He had no destination in mind, he just needed to escape for a while – but even Vince couldn't run away from his thoughts. Snippets of conversation and terrified looks on Howard's dazed face swirled incessantly around his mind, refusing to be shaken off.

A while later Vince looked around him and realised he must have been walking for a good twenty minutes. He knew where he was, he had a vague sense of going clubbing around here a few streets over once or twice, but it wasn't a good enough area to be frequented by the Camden Elite.

_Not just that… I know this street. I've been here before…_

It suddenly clicked and Vince was jerked back into a memory of Howard again. Walking beside him on this very street. Vince watched the ghosts of himself and Howard walk past - bickering as usual - and let the memory wash over him.

Flashback

"Vince will you STOP complaining?"

Vince pouted and looked away from Howard sulkily as they continued their journey. Intending to give Howard the silent treatment, Vince refused to even look at him. He soon broke though.

"Howard it ain't my fault you're dragging me to a JAZZ CLUB is it? What'd you think I was gonna do – woop with joy? It's gonna be booorrin!"

Howard just sighed.

"Vince, don't you think about maybe taking an interest in my hobbies?"

"No! Your hobbies are JAZZ and READING. You should be taking an interest in my hobbies, they're way more interesting than your old man weirdo stuff."

"I do! I went to that Gary Numan concert with you!"

"You like Gary. Don't pretend, I've seen my copy of 'Dance' in your CD player."

"Well…I went shopping with you the other day! I go shopping with you a lot!"

"You like-"

"Don't even go there Vince. How could anyone actually like being a pack mule for you while you spend hours in changing rooms, trying on ridiculous outfits and _flirting with the checkout girls_?"

"Seems like the flirting's the thing that's really getting to you here." Vince mumbled but grudgingly said nothing more about the terrible position he'd been put in.

That was the night they found out Vince was allergic to Jazz.

End Flashback

Spurred on by this dredged up memory of his own, Vince hitched up his collar and strode purposefully in the direction of The Spicy Oboe Jazz Club, filled with hope that this would be the key to the cage that held the true Howard captive in this stranger's mind.

**I'm writing the next chapter tomorrow so it'll be up soon! Vince has a plaaan.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: HERE IT IS. I know. I'm a bad person. It's late. But I had a lot of fun writing this one. So enjoy. The plan is in motion bebeh. Reviewers are ANGELS. **

By the time Vince got back to the flat, dawn was just approaching, giving the deserted street an ethereal glow as he stepped back into the Nabootique, grateful to be out of the cold once more. He had stayed away as long as he could and with the aid of a few drinks and an old Jazz enthusiast, Vince had hammered out something resembling a plan.

_It's not perfect, but it's all I've got. _

Moving with a practiced stealth that one can only really achieve after countless nights sneaking in after 3am, Vince crept back up the stairs, cursing himself for forgetting to turn the light off when he left – _what if that woke him up? Idiot. _– and snuck into his bedroom, closing the door near-soundlessly after him. Sighing, Vince lay down on his bed (forcing himself not to look at the empty one on the other side of the room) and ran over the plan in his mind again and again until he fell asleep.

On a normal day, Vince could rarely be roused from his slumber before 10am – and he even considered that extremely early. Contrastingly, Howard would be woken at precisely 7am each morning by his digital alarm clock without fail – the only exceptions being the occasions when Vince had crawled into Howard's bed in the dead of night, locking his limbs around the older man in such a way that he could not free himself in the morning.

This morning, everything was different. Vince woke up at 8:46am, having slept dreamlessly, which was particularly unusual for him. He exited the room quickly, trying to avoid looking at the still made-up bed across from him and went out to face the mess he had made.

Vince blinked at his surroundings, his eyes flitting about, nervously searching for the unmistakeable shape of a tall, Northern man. The open plan apartment meant that it took Vince a mere few seconds to deduce that Howard was nowhere to be found.

_Oh god. He's even forgotten how to wake up. _

Ignoring the twisting in his stomach, Vince went to make himself a cup of tea. He managed a bowl of Coco Pops, a glass of orange juice and a biscuit before he decided he really should go and find Howard now.

_He could of wandered off down the street or sutin – he might be lost right now!_

Vince was about to head downstairs when something caught his eye.

_The spare room door is closed… _

Stopping in his tracks, Vince felt a rush of conflicting emotions assaulting his body at once. On one hand he was relieved that Howard wasn't all alone in the back streets of Dalston somewhere, but now he knew that Howard was in the flat, purposefully concealing himself in his room.

_Avoiding me._

The day continued and Vince kept one eye trained on the closed door more often than not. He tried to busy himself with other things – getting dressed and putting on his makeup (this took 2 hours at _least _and he was in no hurry), making cups of tea (always an extra one just in case), watching Colobos the Crab reruns. He even tried going down to the shop for a bit, going as far as turning the sign around, but of course he hadn't the first idea about shop-keeping without Howard if he was honest with himself and he flipped the sign back minutes later.

Finally, at about 5pm, when Vince was sprawled out on the sofa, flicking through MTV channels in an uninterested way, Howard's door creaked open. Vince held his breath but didn't dare turn around. He heard footsteps behind him as Howard walked over and then an awkward, "Hello."

"Alright?" Vince politely turned down The Black Tubes and turned to face the man looming over the back of the sofa. When Howard didn't immediately respond, Vince felt obliged to keep him talking, so maybe he wouldn't feel the need to spend all day hiding in his room. "Well, not _alright_ alright obviously, under the circumstances but… how're you- did you sleep… soundly?"

_Soundly? You sound like a pervy stalker. Listening outside his door were you?  
_

Howard shrugged and mumbled a vague affirmation.

"Come and sit down! Did you want… I can make you some tea, or are you hungry? I could-"

"I'm fine. Thanks."

Howard made no move to sit down, running a hand through his hair and looking towards the window, like he was considering a daring escape.

_He's changed his shirt. It's that white and blue stripy one I like but he never wore. It really suits him. He looks… good. _

Vince took the moment of silence to appraise the rest of Howard's outfit, noting that his top three buttons were undone, revealing a triangle of creamy, tanned chest and a sprinkling of sparse blonde-ish hair.

_He's jeans aren't much cop but I guess he hasn't got much to work with… At least he's not wearing cords. _

"You went out. Last night." Vince blinked in surprise at Howard's statement. "I …didn't get much sleep. Lot's on my mind. Well… maybe not I guess."

_Shit, I knew I woke him up. I'm such a spaz. Why can't I do literally anything right? More importantly, did Howard just make a joke? Well, I guess now's as good a time as any to tell him what I've got up my sleeve. _

Vince's hands immediately went to his hair, as they often did when he was nervous, his fingers twirling in the chaotic, carefully sculpted tangles.

"Um, yeah I did. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. If you're… not busy, y'know."

"I have no memory of what I used to fill my day with. I don't think I could describe myself as a busy bee."

Vince let out a nervous, high-pitched squawk. It was supposed to be a laugh, but he was far too nervous.

"Ha, yeah – well um, I went to this place… you used to go there a lot and… I thought maybe if I took you there again you might remember…something."

Howard's mouth set into a straight line. Vince hardly dared look at his contemplative face.

_Say you'll do it Howard. I need you back._

"Yeah. I guess. Can't really hold out too much hope after all that yesterday but… couldn't hurt to try I suppose."

Vince practically sagged in relief, his tensed muscles suddenly turning to mush as the anxiety seeped out of him.

"Oh." Vince was smiling. "Good. Cool. I actually came up with a kind of… plan while I was there. It's just an idea, if you have anything better then by all means…"

"I can't remember anything Vincent. ...I wouldn't know where to begin."

_Oh my god he sounds so _sad_. I did that. Forgive me Howard. I didn't know. _

Drinking in Howard's tired, miserable expression, Vince fought to keep from reaching out and consoling his best friend.

_What was he doing all night and today if it wasn't sleeping? _

An image of Howard with his head in his hands, shaking with concentration as he ploughed into the depths of his mind, only to be confronted with more nothingness, suddenly swam into Vince's brain. Vince desperately shoved the image away before he welled up.

"Vince. It's Vince. You always call me- called me Vince." Howard looked vaguely uncomfortable at the idea of nicknames this early on, but Vince decided to press on before he could protest. "I just had this idea – if I take you to some places that were important to us- you, like a tour! Then maybe it'd spark some memories or sutin… I don't know I was just thinkin. It's probably stupid."

Howard looked down at the small skinny man on the sofa, his eyes raking over him, calculating. He seemed to be trying to figure something out. Judging by the omnipresent crease in his brow, he was finding it difficult.

"Alright… Vince." Howard sighed. "I guess any plan is better than having a black hole where my mind once was." Vince winced at the analogy and hoped Howard didn't notice.

* * *

"Are you alright?" Vince glanced at Howard worriedly as they stepped into The Spicy Oboe. He was looking around with an expression on his face that almost resembled disgust.

"You said I used to come here a lot?" Howard asked disbelievingly, his nose wrinkling as he took in the brown, aging carpet, the circular stage that took up most of the room – littered with woodwind instruments, music stands and a large grand piano.

"Um, yeah. At least twice a week. Come on, let's go to the bar, that was your usual habitat."

_Well that's a good start isn't it? He doesn't even believe he'd come here!_

Vince led Howard through the dimly lit room, weaving through the (mostly) empty tables until they reached the bar area on the far side. Plonking himself down on a stool, Vince ordered two Scotch-on-the-rocks' for himself and Howard. He tried asking for a Flirtini but the weary old bartender had just laughed in his face.

_At least Howard's got his favourite drink._

Howard sat down and peered into the smoky gloom towards the stage. A few grey-haired, plump-looking men had sauntered on, wearing shades and cracking jokes at each other in a way that made Vince cringe. They picked various instruments up off the floor and started to blow out a haphazard tune.

_It's okay, don't panic, I've taken my allergy medicine. I'll be fine. _

The saxophonist strode forward, knocking the bassoon out of the hands of one of his fellow band members, and started to play a very loud, enthusiastic solo.

_Good thing too, because I seriously doubt Howard would shrink down to get any rogue Jazz cells out of me this time._

Vince sipped his drink and winced at the burning taste. He listened to the saxophonist's squeaking melody and winced further. He glanced at Howard to see if he'd had any miraculous epiphanies yet.

Howard's face was like thunder. He looked ready to hurl the soloist right off stage.

_No epiphanies then…_

"Howard! What's wrong? Are you remembering something? Is the Jazz too much for you?"

Howard gripped his glass tightly and stared at Vince as if he'd said that Howard should strip off and crawl along the sticky floor like a sea worm.

"What _is _this?"

"I-I don't know, maybe these guys are shit, it all sounds the same to me-"

"Howard! Vincey!" Vince was interrupted by a loud voice coming from behind him. He turned to see Lester Corncrake stumbling towards them, his arms stretched wide, his aim totally off. Vince leapt up and steered him away from the pillar he was about to slam into, seating him on the stool the other side of Howard.

"Alright, Lester?" Relief washed over Vince once more and he relished it, despite knowing it would probably be temporary.

_Lester arrived just in time. The plan is back in motion._

"Yeahhh, I'm alright Vince. Took me a while to get over here – they've moved this room around! Everything's all backwards now. Trendy modern ball-lickers."

Vince decided not to mention that the room looked exactly the same as it did when he was first here 5 months ago.

"Yeah. Anyway, Howard, this is Lester. You and him were well good friends. You came here with him all the time."

"Pleasure to meet you Howard!" Lester suddenly cracked up laughing, letting out peal s of laughter that nearly drowned out the screeching of the cellist. After about a minute, during which time, Howard shot several incredulous glances at Vince, who shrugged, Lester's chuckles became less dramatic. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Lester said, "Oh, Howard. You crack me up."

Lester stuck his hand out, as if to initiate a handshake, except he stuck it out across the bar, managing to knock Howard's drink to the floor and jab the bartender in the stomach simultaneously.

"Oh! Sorry Bernie! My bad!"

Howard suddenly let out a short laugh. Vince nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of it.

_He's laughing! That's good right? Bit of a weird laugh though. Sounded almost mean._

"Oh Christy. You're blind aren't you! Blind as a bat!" Howard was shaking his head, grinning to himself. "One of my closest friends? Of course. Faaantastic."

Lester looked a little stunned for a moment and then descended in to further wheezy peals of laughter. Vince didn't know what to say, so he kept drinking.

_That was weird. My Howard wouldn't have made fun of him like that._

"You guys get a load of this band? Amazing! Haven't heard a scale like that since 1955, Chicago. There's no mistaking that sound, that's Ray Charles, as I live and breathe."

Vince furrowed his brow and turned to look at the five clearly white (and breathing) musicians on the stage.

"Mmm." Vince said non-comitally. He noticed that Howard was shaking, his head bent over the counter so his face was hidden. "Howard?"

Vince suddenly realised that Howard was laughing, silently like he couldn't make a sound.

"Ohhh, Lordy." Howard said to no one as he finally sat up, still grinning. "This is ridiculous. I'm going."

Howard stood up, throwing some coins on the bar-top to pay for his drink.

"What? Howard, wait!"

"Vince, this place may or may not once have been my sanctuary, but now, quite frankly, I'd rather stick hot pokers in my ears than listen to this caterwauling a second longer."

With that, Howard nodded to the barman, chuckled darkly at Lester's disbelieving expression and strode off towards the door, leaving Vince open-mouthed and staring at the ends of Howard's coat as they flapped around his legs stylishly.

* * *

"That Howard, he cracks me up!"

_Please kill me. _

After Howard had exited the premises, Lester seemed to have found his own way of rationalising the situation, much to Vince's enjoyment.

"Yeah, well thanks anyway Lester-"

"Ah, no problem Vince, you know I'm always here for ya. Hey, where'd the music go?"

Vince closed his eyes and rested his head on the bar for the eleventh time. He fought to keep the hysteria out of his voice.

"It's 3am Lester. The band stopped playing at midnight. They left us the key and told us to lock up when we were done. You said 'sure, no problem Bernie'."

"Hmm. I don't recall that. I guess I have had a bit to drink!" Lester started laughing again. Vince groaned internally. Somewhere, from the depths of his party-animal persona, Vince pulled out the last scrap of energy he had and stood up abruptly.

"Right! Well I hate to break up the party and everything, but I've gotta go – the Nabootique's not gonna open itself tomorrow."

"Noo, Vince! Stay a while! The night is young! I'll get Bernie to mix us some Sangria!"

Vince looked at Lester and wondered, not for the first time, if he was clinically insane.

"Sorry mate. Wish I could. Got Howard to see to ain't I? Don't want him to wake up even more confused."

"Aw, that Howard! He cracks me up!"

Vince held in a scream.

_Just leave, he'll never even realise you're gone._

With soft, padded footsteps (Vince reminded himself to thank the God of carpets later) he managed to sneak away from the rambling old lunatic as he babbled to himself about cats with hooves.

The walk back to the flat was a depressing one. Vince walked at a slow pace, feeling like he was stepping through treacle. He was so tired, but he couldn't stop thinking.

_Dis-as-ter. Phase one of the plan- failed spectacularly. I don't get it. Howard not liking The Spicy Oboe? Not liking Lester? Not liking JAZZ? I was so sure that would help. What am I going to do?_

Vince's silver cloak billowed in the cold breeze. He shivered but didn't bother wrapping it around himself. He felt numb. A pebble lay on the side of the pavement and Vince began kicking it along, not bothered if it was scuffing his knee-high, white leather boots. He looked down at the pebble and imagined Howard's face painted on it. He kicked it again, much further this time.

_Stupid Howard. This would never have happened if you could get over a stupid grudge! You shouldn't have been all mean and stuff! It's all your fault._

He kicked the pebble across the road, where it shot straight into a ventilation shaft. Vince stood there and gazed at the spot where it had disappeared.

_Goal._

Flashback

Vince snivelled in a very unattractive way. It was okay though, it was only Howard that was seeing him like this. He could do anything in front of Howard and he wouldn't run away.

"Don't cry Vince, if you don't want to do this, you don't have to."

"But my Mum says I do! She says I have to be a proper boy and play footie like the other boys."

Howard smiled and put his arm round his strange best friend.

"Vince, am I a proper boy?"

Vince sniffed again and wiped his nose on Howard's sleeve. He loved that Howard wore Hawaiian shirts to school even though he was 12 years old.

"Y-yeah of course."

"And do I play football?"

"No, you're terrible." Vince laughed and Howard joined in, clutching him a bit tighter.

"So playing football doesn't make you a boy Vince. You can wear sparkly clothes and have long hair and sing funny little songs and still be a boy. You can even be a girl if you want to be. Don't let anybody tell you anything different."

"But my Mum's out there now, she's come to watch me play. I hate it Howard, the other boys tease me and shove me and I get so DIRTY."

Howard laughed again.

"Go out there and play one last game, for her. Then I'll come with you and we'll tell her you don't want to do it anymore."

"What if she gets angry?"

"We'll run away. Just you and I, yes sir. We don't need anyone else."

Vince's one hundred watt smile broke through his tears. He wrapped his arms around Howard and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Howard blushed a bit and stood up quickly.

"Come on then." He said, holding his hand out to Vince to help him up.

As Vince scored the winning goal of the match, Howard was at the sidelines cheering louder than the rest of the crowd.

End Flashback

Vince stared up at the flat from where he stood outside the Nabootique. Howard's light was on. Vince swayed on his feet slightly. Memories really took it out of him.

_Onwards with the plan then. _

**Phase Two of the plan coming next! Vince is taking Howard back to a place they prooobably shouldn't go...**_  
_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sooo. Phase 2 of Vince's plan. Phase 1 didn't go so well. But that Lester! He cracks me up ;) This one's a bit longer than the others (unintentional) and a surprise character pops up (also unintentional). My imagination runs away with me. We skip hand in hand through the flowers. What am I talking about, I don't know. Pretend I'm Howard Moon and your Reviews are sweet, sweet Jazz. I loves me my jazz.**

"Black Lake?"

"Yeah!" Vince cried, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible. "It'd be hard to forget what happened there if you saw it again I'm sure! We had some craaazy times there, Howard."

_Like when I saved you. Remember it. Please remember it._

"Right." Howard was clinging to the handle above his seat, making no attempt to disguise the look of utter concern on his face as Vince steered the Booshmobile around yet another sharp bend. "Have you actually got a driving licence Vince?"

"Nah, but you taught me years ago. We used to do a lot of driving back when we worked at the- never mind. It's great though! Really easy!"

Vince started to hum a merry tune as he turned the wheel to and fro.

Howard laughed again in that same unnerving way he had at the Jazz Club the previous night.

"No, of course. Why would you have something as normal as a licence?"

_Why is he finding everything so hilarious all of a sudden?_

Howard gripped tighter on to the handle and ran his other hand through his hair. All at once Vince caught sight of his own reflection in the rearview mirror.

_Woah! Why did nobody tell me I had panda eyes?_

The van started to drift into the centre of the road, the wheels just crossing the white dividing line when suddenly Howard jumped in panic, leaning frantically across the seat to push the steering wheel forcefully in the opposite direction, just in time to avoid an oncoming car.

"Oh, shit! Sorry! I, err... mascara was smudged… thanks for… doing that. Shit."

Vince quickly regained control of the situation and righted the van again. Howard leaned back in his seat, looking thoroughly unnerved. Vince wore a shame-faced expression but stared resolutely out of the windscreen, determined not to get distracted again. Suddenly, Howard started laughing again, his whole body shaking with it, almost uncontrollably.

_Christy, he looks insane. We almost just died! How is that even funny?_

Just as this thought entered his bewildered brain, Vince saw the sign that read 'Welcome to Black Lake' rise up out of the horizon. Thanking Jagger silently, Vince pressed his foot down on the accelerator, Howard's manic laughter filling his ears.

* * *

Mercifully, by the time the swinging sign of 'The King Prawn's Head' loomed into sight, Howard had stopped laughing and resumed a wary expression. Vince smiled up at him in what he hoped was an encouraging way and pushed open the door of the pub, motioning for Howard to go through. Ducking in after him, Vince was somewhat unsurprised by the sudden silence that swept over the room, along with the many sets of eyes turning to stare at them both.

_This place hasn't changed. Howard's reaction has._

Vince glanced nervously at his friend's mortified face, unsure of what his next movements would be. Howard was clearly taking in the scene around him – beardy fisherman with pipes raised halfway to their mouths, a band all wearing the same three-headed knitted jumper, pint glasses filled with actual writhing maggots on the tables…

_What's he thinking? This is so weird. If there was anything I was once sure of, it was that I could read Howard like a Charlie book. Now I don't understand him at all._

The silence was suddenly shattered by a loud, familiar voice coming from one of the tables littered around the small room.

"Viiiince!" Ramsay called, struggling up from his seat, maggot cider in hand, pushing Neville harshly to off his chair in his haste to get over to the Londoners. In the background Colin-the-barman rolled his eyes and strolled over to put a coin in the slot, and the merry laughter and music started up once more.

"Ah! Alright Ramsay!" Vince and Ramsay proceeded to have an awkward greeting wherein Vince went in for a customary hug but Ramsay seemed to try and dive in for a kiss. Vince avoided it deftly (well accustomed to having people try and kiss him by now) and turned to face Howard.

"Howard, this is Ramsay! He lent us his boat when we came here last time. We went fishing! It was well good, I caught loads!"

"Did I catch anything?" Howard asked, nodding in Ramsay's general direction.

"Err… yeah. You caught a really big one…"

_Probably shouldn't mention it was a gender confused, psychotic sea monster who tried to kidnap you and force you into marriage._

"Howard, eh? Where'd you find this little salmon then Vincey?"

Vince whipped around to Ramsay again, confused.

_Oh god, not another amnesiac! _

"What? Ramsay, you remember Howard. He was with me last time we came! He paid for the boat?" Ramsay furrowed his brow and looked thoughtful. "He played guitar in the funk band?" Ramsay shook his head and raised a pipe to his lips, still thinking. Vince lowered his voice and leaned closer to Ramsay. "He got kidnapped by Old Gregg?" Recognition finally sparkled in Ramsay's eyes.

Despite Vince's efforts to be discreet, a bloodcurdling scream suddenly erupted from a man sitting at the bar and Howard suddenly jerked Vince's shoulder back, eyes wide.

"What?" Howard asked incredulously.

"Quiet Mr Hopkins!" Ramsay shouted at the screaming man, sloshing maggots everywhere. Mr Hopkins reluctantly turned back to the bar, shaking violently, a haunted look in his eyes.

"Look, don't worry-" Vince began in response to Howard's reaction.

"You took me back to a place where I was KIDNAPPED? Just who the hell is OLD GREGG?"

The screaming quickly picked up again at the sound of Old Gregg's name, but Vince and Howard barely noticed. At that moment, a soft, tinny voice snaked through the pub, causing an audible gasp of horror to go through the entire room.

"Hiya Howard."

Vince felt an involuntary shudder run down Howard's spine.

_It must be an unconscious reaction. Oh god this is not gonna be good._

"Did ya miss me Howard? Did you come back for Old Gregory? I knew you couldn't resist my sweet lovin."

Howard slowly turned to face the door, his eyes filled with pure horror. There, in the doorway stood Old Gregg, dressed in his trademark pink tutu and silvery jacket.

_Style NIGHTMARE. Not the time not the time…_

"Greg?" Howard asked tentatively.

"I like it when you say my name Howard, in your big, strong man voice. It's time to go home Howard. Back to Gregg's place. I did you a new watercolour. I-I did you sixty three watercolours Howard, cos I love you."

"Ohhh, Christ."

Howard had started to edge backwards now, his face trying to hold a false smile as his eyes darted about, looking for an escape.

"D'you love me?"

_What? Right, I think that's my cue. _

Vince stepped in front of Howard, holding his arms out protectively and staring Old Gregg (who had flitted closer and closer the whole time) right in his scaly eyes.

"Oi! Howard's not for sale, you pervy merman git! Get away from him, he's not interested."

Old Gregg's shining red lips stretched into a wide, creepy smile.

"Oh Howard. Tut tut. You've been cheatin on Old Gregg, ain't ya? Are you trying to make me jealous? Playin our love games? Old Gregg likes our games, I can play too. I'll skin your little girlfriend and make her into a nice rug. Then we can live happily ever after."

"She's his wife!" Ramsay called from where he was now sat, on the lap of a disgruntled looking woman whose entire face was covered in shells.

Ice cold fear surged through Vince and he cast about desperately to find something that could help him. He glanced back at Howard, who was looking both utterly petrified and completely incredulous.

_Right. This was not how I pictured dying. At least it will be trying to protect Howard? Even if he isn't… himself at the moment. _

"Don't suppose you remember anything yet Howard? Like how to fend off your ex-fiancé maybe?"

Howard gave the smaller man a withering look and then, seeming to let the words 'ex-fiancé' sink in, a look of complete horror. Vince rolled his eyes and looked right and left frantically, edging backwards so he was pressed up against Howard. Old Gregg crept forwards, stooped over slightly, his crazed eyes fixed on Vince.

_Shit, shit shit, ohhh I can't THINK with all this screaming– AHA! _

A surge of inspiration suddenly hit Vince; in a flash he grabbed hold of Mr Perkins by the coat collar and dragged him in front of himself and Howard like a human shield. The screaming was almost deafening now and Howard clamped his hands over his ears. Vince wanted to do the same but he had to hold Mr Perkins in place.

_Come on come on…_

Just then, before Old Gregg could knock Mr Perkins aside and grab hold of Vince with his webbed hands, recognition seemed to flash over his face and he gasped. Slamming a clammy green hand over Mr Perkins' mouth, Old Gregg started to smile again.

"My my. If it isn't Mr Perkins. My first love. Old Gregg is getting so many happy surprises tonight. You must have missed me exactly as I missed you Mr Perkins. We were so happy together."

Old Gregg removed his hand slowly from Mr Perkins' mouth. Mr Perkins looked utterly petrified, clearly unable to make a sound any longer. In one quick movement, Old Gregg bent down and hoisted Mr Perkins over his slimy shoulder.

"Sorry Howard. I know you love me. I guess there's just not enough Gregory to go around. Don't worry though, you're my runner up. If Mr Perkins here accidentally goes to sleep forever… it's only you Howard Moon."

Mr Perkins hung limply over Old Gregg's shoulder as he turned to walk away.

_Clearly resistance is futile at this point. _

Seeing Old Gregg disappear from sight, Vince almost slumped to the floor in relief. Remembering Howard, he turned to see the older man worriedly. His expression was unreadable.

"Howard?"

Howard looked down at Vince like he was one of the maggots crawling across the bar. He pushed Vince off him and strode forwards out of the door.

_Oh god. Yeah. This is working really well. Nice one Vince._

Vince gathered himself together and started to chase after Howard's retreating form. Ramsay grabbed hold of his arm before he could make it out of the pub and, getting uncomfortably close to Vince's face, leaned in to murmur something.

"Don't worry Vincey. Us true fisherman, we're good with marriage. Yeah, we have our raging fights – hell I got so mad at Matilda that I super-glued shells to her face while she slept! But we know how to work it out in the end. With a hell of a good catch and a rampant make-up sex."

Vince's eyebrows creased and he pretended he hadn't heard that last part.

"Yeah, Ramsay, Howard's not actually my husband-"

Vince was cut off by a Ramsay's loud burst of laughter. Waving a hand at Vince, he strolled back over towards his wife, slipping an arm round her neck as he laughed away.

_I'm getting really sick of people laughing at inappropriate times. _

Vince wandered out into the cool night air, peering round for his friend.

"Howard?"

No answer. Sighing, Vince began the lonely walk back to the Booshmobile. Stopping for a moment, he took one last look at the dark, glinting lake and turned away.

Flashback

"Watch it! This is a hand-stitched two piece men's Sari! Ten small boys from India sacrificed their hands for this!"

Howard tutted and shook his head.

"And you're not ashamed of that at all?"

"Fashion is pain Howard."

"You're ridiculous. How am I supposed to get this boat out of the dock by myself? You're gonna have to sacrifice your flares Vince."

Vince scowled and started to roll up his trouser cuffs. Howard watched in exasperation. Finally, they both waded into the shallow water and pushed the boat out a little way, making sure to steer it close to the little jetty where it was tied off.

"Right. Ladies first."

Vince shoved Howard but was betrayed by the little smile on his face.

"Shut up! Just cos everyone else thinks I'm your wife doesn't mean I actually am. Well. Maybe a bit."

Howard chuckled.

"Well get in then, _Mrs Moon_."

Vince blushed, giving Howard another shove.

"No way. Not now. You first Mr Hoodoo Trance."

Howard sighed and climbed up onto the jetty. Carefully, with pure concentration on his face, he stepped into the small wooden boat. Almost instinctually, he turned around and lifted a hand to help Vince.

"Woah. Howard… I dunno. It looks a bit wobbly."

"What? It's just a boat Vince, stop being a wimp and get in here."

"Maybe we should just go for a walk _around _the lake. I think that would help our creative block more."

Howard gave Vince a look that said 'I have not just shelled out forty euros for a bloody fishing trip for you to not even get in the boat.' Vince crumbled under the weight of Howard's gaze and took his waiting hand nervously.

"Keep the boat still."

"I will."

"Keep it STILL."

"I am! Vince, come on step down."

Vince hesitantly placed his first foot into the boat, biting his lip anxiously.

"I mean it Howard, these clothes don't come cheap."

"Other foot."

Vince took a deep breath and clutching onto Howard's shoulders, stepped his other foot down into the little boat. Immediately, the boat started swaying alarmingly from side to side, as if protesting against the extra weight. Vince's arms clutched around Howard's neck and he let out a terrified squeak. Howard stumbled backwards slightly in surprise, sending them both flying down onto the seat behind him, Vince practically on Howard's lap.

"You WANKER. You did that on purpose!"

Howard was laughing at Vince's reaction.

"No I didn't! Funny though."

Vince scrambled off him, giving him a withering look.

"Yeah, wouldn't be funny for me if I fell in."

"Wouldn't be particularly funny for me either I'd imagine."

Vince glanced at Howard in surprise, noticing the laughter had almost disappeared from his features.

"Why not?"

"Well, considering I had to carry you on my back the entire way from the ferry you got us chucked off of to that bloody island a few weeks ago, I'd say you can't swim Vince. So who d'you think would have to save you if you fell in now?"

"Well we are still tied to the jetty so…" Vince laughed at Howard's exasperated expression, but now his interest was piqued.

"So, if I was drowning… you'd swim me back to shore?"

"Yep." Howard was beginning to shift in his seat uncomfortably now. Vince definitely wasn't going to miss this opportunity.

"What if I wasn't breathing?"

"I happen to be very well trained in CPR Vince."

Vince stopped himself from giggling like a schoolgirl just in time.

"So you'd give me mouth to mouth n' all?

Howard blushed furiously and glared at Vince, who laughed. Howard reached behind him and unhooked the rope and with a little push, they were off.

A few moments later, as the two of them drifted out on the silent water, Howard answered.

"If you were dying, I'd probably do just about anything."

Vince smiled and thought to himself,

_Likewise._

End Flashback

By the time Vince reached the van, tears were stinging his eyes again from the memory. Howard was pacing the ground nearby impatiently, scuffing his Doc Martens.

_I didn't even know he had those! They look well good._

Upon seeing Vince, Howard practically stomped over, and held out his hand.

"Keys."

"What? Howard do you even remember how to-"

"YES I remember how to drive, I lost my memory that doesn't make me an idiot, besides which, I refuse to risk my life again by getting in a car which you are in control of."

Vince wordlessly handed over the keys and clambered into the passenger side.

_O-kay. I think he's angry._

It took a just a few minutes after passing the 'You are now leaving Black Lake' sign for Howard to explode. Vince had been anticipating it since they left, so he tried to brace himself.

"Why Vince? Why take me to a place where it is a well-known fact that I was kidnapped and ENGAGED to a maniac merman? Are you completely stupid?"

"No! We had a good time there too! It weren't just that what happened, we went fishing and met Ramsay and-"

"Oh yeah! Ramsay! He was definitely gonna be the one to bring back my memory! He couldn't even remember who I was!"

"He did! He's just drunk all the time, I had to remind him-"

"And why exactly did he refer to you as my wife? Is that a normal occurrence?"

"Well… kinda. People just think it cos I look a bit like a girl and we're always together and that. You never used to mind-"

"Why would I not mind? God, who was I? I can't understand this life you're telling me about at all! I keep trying to give this a chance but honestly – these places seem like a joke! How could I have had pleasant memories with these insane people at these weird places-"

"Howard, I'm doing the best I can! I happened to have _saved _you from Old Gregg last time. These places meant a lot to us!"

"Well not anymore it seems."

The rest of the journey was spent in total silence.

* * *

When they arrived back at the flat it was late. Vince stretched his arms up as they entered the living area.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed. I've got a really good one planned for tomorrow Howard don't worry. I get it, you're just stressed. It must be 'orrible having no memories left. Just get some sleep and-"

Vince couldn't continue because out of the corner of his eye he saw Howard looking into the mirror above the mantelpiece, smoothing his hair back.

_Am I dreaming? Howard's preening himself…_

Noticing Vince's staring reflection, Howard turned to face him.

"Yeah, fine. I'm gonna go out. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Out? Out where?"

_Howard's never gone out this late in his life! At least not without me._

"I don't know do I? Guess I'll find somewhere."

Giving no further explanations, Howard strode towards the door, grabbing his long coat and calling a vague "Bye" as he left. Vince blinked.

_I feel like I've just witnessed something dreadful._

Vince had been noticing all day how good Howard looked. He was wearing the white cowboy shirt Vince had bought him that time he was a pretend prostitute to get money for the Eel man, teamed with dark black jeans. Along with those Doc Martens, he'd probably looked better than Vince had ever seen him but Vince couldn't help yearning for a bit of tweed and more importantly, wondering why he had chosen to dress up so much for their little outing.

_I guess that answers that question. This plan needs to stepped up a notch. I guess it's a good thing we're going back to our roots tomorrow. _

**Can you guess where they're going next? :o **_  
_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Heyyyy. Well. Here it is. Okay so I accidentally made myself cry while writing this. Basically this chapter is like angst central. Everything is angst. And everything hurts. :L Reviewers will make my life. Fanks. Enjoy my dears.**

Vince watched Howard move through the crowd, weaving in and out of the milling people as they stalked towards their various destinations. Howard was looking around him, standing on tiptoe and peering over the bobbing heads of the busy street. The pavement was narrow and Howard was hardly visible against the steady stream of passers-by. He was searching, pushing frantically past stunned looking businessman and smartly dressed women with their hair in buns. Vince saw Howard's mouth open and form his own name. He watched as Howard fought to move in the opposite direction to everyone else.

Vince tried to rush forwards to grab hold of him, to pull him away and tell him that he didn't need to search, he didn't need to push through the thickening crowd anymore because they could just run away, just them, together – they didn't need anyone else. As he ran towards his friend, Vince smacked into something hard. Confused, he stepped backwards, looking for the object blocking his path. He could see nothing except for Howard's retreating frame as he was forced backwards by the onslaught of people. Running forwards again, determined to get to Howard, Vince hurled himself into a hard object once more. Cursing, he put his hands out in front of him and felt the smooth, transparent pane of sheer glass that separated him from the crowd. Separated him from Howard.

Howard appeared to be screaming Vince's name over and over now, but Vince could hear nothing except his own frantic breaths, which were now beginning to fog the glass. Panicking now, Vince threw himself against it, banging furiously with his fists.

"HOWARD! HOWARD! I'M HERE! HOWARD LOOK OVER HERE!"

Vince's voice caught in his throat when he saw the milky white sun glinting off of the tears down Howard's cheeks. Completely helpless, Vince could only watch, crying as his best friend was dragged out of sight.

Vince woke up drenched in sweat. He was breathing heavily and images of Howard's tear-stained face clung viciously to his conscious mind. Suddenly blisteringly hot, he threw his sticky covers off of himself, letting the cool early morning air engulf him. He swung his legs off the narrow bed and looked up at the first shreds of light beginning to filter through the only window.

_Forgot to close the curtains. That's Howard's job. Was._

Vince rose, his despair still clinging to him like a fog. He padded over to the window and looked out, his eyes not seeing anything.

"Howard?" He murmured to no one. "I made a mistake. I mean I fucked up big this time. How am I supposed to fix it when you're not here no more? You left me. You promised you never would. You said it was you and me, for always. Come back Howard. Come back and… just, please."

He felt a breeze trickle in through the gap in the window. It felt unusually cool against his cheek. He reached up his fingers to touch his face, cautiously. It was slick with tears.

_Howard always said it was weird that I cry in my sleep. _

Wiping his eyes half-heartedly with the back of his hand, Vince turned around. Before he could talk himself out of it, he strode over to Howard's side of the room and clambered into the perfectly made bed. Smiling at the notion that Howard would have killed him for doing this usually – "you're getting glitter on the sheets again Vince!" – he pulled the padded covers up over his head like a tent. Breathing in the familiar cinnamon and new-book smell of Howard Moon, Vince let himself drift off to sleep.

* * *

"Why exactly do we need to leave so early?"

Vince glanced down at the clock on the radio displaying the time: 12:48pm.

_Christy, he should try living with the old Howard. Charlie Mingus alarm clock blaring at 7am every morning. _

"Err, well it's just a bit of a drive that's all - and I thought it'd be better to see it in the day cos… there's just more memories of being there in the day n' that."

Howard just assumed a tired, grumpy expression and settled down in the passenger seat of the Booshmobile. Vince had offered to let Howard drive and 'be his Tom-Tom' but Howard had decided that his fatigue was greater than his fear of Vince crashing the van into street furniture or screaming children.

_It's his own fault. God knows when he got back last night, I didn't hear him come in. _

"Why don't we have a regular car anyway? It's embarrassing being seen in this hand-painted hippy van."

"I painted it! Naboo said I could customise it. You _helped_ actually so quit complaining."

Vince started up the engine in annoyance. In his peripheral vision he could see Howard scowl and look out of the window, sipping the flask of coffee he'd demanded before they set off.

_He's being a right brat today. If he doesn't soften up by the time we get there this'll never work._

Vince sighed and set off, turning the radio on so he wouldn't have to deal with Howard's snippy comments. The sounds of Ultravox filled the air around them (Vince had obviously left his tape in there) and he absent-mindedly started humming along.

A few minutes into the journey, Vince noticed some movement out of the corner of his eye. Careful not to look away for too long, he glanced over at the passenger side.

_Oh my sweet Lord. He's DANCING._

Vince held back a scream of terror as Howard Moon: Jazz Maverick swayed along to the electro twanging of 'Dancing With Tears in My Eyes'.

_Just drive Vince, just drive._

* * *

It took about 45 minutes to get arrive at the Zooniverse. This was not helped by Howard's constant fearful protestations every time they encountered a sign warning any drivers to 'Turn Back Now!' or 'Continue And Die!'.

"Honestly, Howard. We used to pass those signs every time we came to work!" Said Vince when they got out of the van, stretching their cramped limbs. "Fossil just put them there cos he didn't want visitors to mess up the zoo. Said he'd worked too hard making it look pretty."

"That's insane! How did it make any money with no visitors?"

"Well it didn't really. Fossil used to cook up these crazy schemes to make money and make us take part. He tried to make you dress up as a panda and flirt with the girl panda so the guy panda would be jealous and mate with her – said we could get money for breeding pandas. You made me do it instead."

Vince laughed and tried giving Howard a nudge so he'd join in.

"That's obscene. And obviously doomed to failure!"

"Well, yeah but… it was funny."

Howard looked incredulous. Vince had been noticing that a lot recently. Sighing heavily, Vince gave up and turned to the large, wrought iron gates that loomed behind them. They were bigger than Vince remembered them but hung askew on their hinges, a half-hearted chain tying them together at the centre, leaving just enough space to squeeze through. Vince didn't hesitate. He ducked gracefully underneath the chain, his lean body slipping easily through the narrow gap. Once he was inside, he turned back to Howard.

"Come on then. You won't remember much from out there."

For the first time since that fateful day when it had all gone tits-up, Vince saw the scared-little-boy look flash across Howard's face.

_I wonder if he's afraid of remembering. Hmm._

"Howard?" Vince called softly, grasping the bars of the gate with both hands and looking through at him. He was jolted back into his dream from the previous night momentarily, watching a small, frightened Howard from behind a prison. He shoved it away, hard.

_Get it together. Where's he gonna go, anyway?_

"What if we get in trouble for this? There could be cameras, security…"

Vince smiled sadly.

"I doubt it. There's nothing left to secure. Come on."

After a few moments of dithering and procrastination, Vince managed to help a grumbling Howard clumsily crawl through the gates.

Vince didn't want to admit it, but he'd constructed this plan carefully, choosing to go the places in a certain order – starting with the least significant, and ending with the ones that were most important to him and Howard. You see, Vince had a theory that he didn't dare think about too much, but felt it lurking at the back of his mind.

_If Howard remembers us and how we used to be, everything else will just slot into place. Like a jigsaw. Like the jigsaw times. _

The zoo was one of Vince's favourite places in the entire world. He had spent so much of his life there, talking and playing with the animals, learning to become a zookeeper and just being _there_ with his best friend every day. He and Howard would joke and banter and argue and go on adventures every single day. Sometimes he missed those days so much he would shut himself in his room, closing out the world and just run through the memories in his mind, ensuring none had slipped away while he wasn't noticing. When the zoo was abandoned, Vince had sworn to himself he would never go back, never see it the way it is now. He wanted to remember it exactly as it was, when it and Howard were his whole world and nothing else seemed to matter.

_But Howard's more important than that. I'd go back to monkey hell if I thought it would help him. _

Vince looked around him, hands on his hips, his purple rubber cat-suit squeaking as he moved. He breathed in heavily, trying not to hear the deadly silence emanating from what was left of his surroundings.

"So… we worked here?"

Vince turned to Howard, a bright smile on his face, covering any sadness that had been there moments before.

"Yep! You were a senior Zookeeper and you took me on as your apprentice." Vince started to lead Howard down the central pathway. "Plucked me right out of school, said GCSE's weren't important."

"You don't have your _GCSE's? _Bloody hell, I could tell by your vocabulary you weren't exactly educated but-"

"Alright Mr Intellect, before you kick up a fuss you ain't got yours either!" Howard stopped in his tracks, dumbfounded. Vince couldn't help chuckling slightly and motioned for him to keep walking. "Your cheesy hero Tommy Nooka decided to be your mentor. Plucked you out of school n' all."

_But did he really pluck you out of school…_

"I'm sure that's illegal! Why did nobody stop this maniac?"

"I could've told your mum but you'd've been well miffed. You were already pissed at me for making such a fuss that you were leaving me."

Flashback

Vince was crying. Again. This time he was in Howard's bedroom, on the bed, watching his best friend pack his things into a brown leather suitcase so he could run off and be a zookeeper, leaving Vince behind. Possibly forever. Vince didn't make a noise; he didn't want Howard to hear him crying. He wanted to be happy for his best friend – he was getting out of this awful place, where you got your head shoved down a toilet for even daring to be a bit different from anyone else – but he couldn't do it. It would be so much worse without Howard. Without Howard, Vince had nothing to brighten his days of constant teasing and bullying. He'd be on his own, with no one a bit older to hide behind if the other boys threatened with worse than fists. Howard could usually send them packing with a stern warning that he'd tell their mothers what they were up to. Vince didn't have the nerve to do that.

Despite the effort Vince had put in to let his tears fall in silence, Howard sensed it. He could tell if Vince was crying if he was a miles away. (He knew, he'd tested it when Vince had broken his leg staying at his Grandma's house in Kent and he'd rung him up, knowing something was wrong. Vince had laughed through his tears when Howard had explained about his telepathy.) Howard whirled around, taking in Vince's tear-streaked face and put his arms protectively round the tiny boy without hesitation.

"Oh, Vince. What's the matter?"

There was a quiet snuffling and then a fidget as Vince wormed his way into Howard's chest. Howard was at a loss what to say, so he just cradled Vince and rocked him to and fro, willing Vince to tell him what was wrong.

"Howard don't leave me."

If he hadn't known better, Howard Moon would have said that tears had just sprung forth into his eyes. Of course, up and coming mavericks like himself didn't do anything as silly as crying. Howard leaned Vince back a little, sweeping his sodden hair off his face when he tried to hide his tears behind his fringe.

"Hey, little man. What did I say? I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't leave you. I'm gonna go with Tommy, get trained up as a zookeeper, and then," here he put his hands either side of Vince's face, so he was sure he knew the absent-minded 15-year-old was listening, "I'm going to come back for you."

Vince's face crumpled again, and Howard let him fall back against his chest.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

End Flashback

"Ta DA!" Vince practically shrieked, sending a flock of bright purple birds squawking up into the air. Vince stood with his arms outstretched, in front what looked like the remains of a log cabin.

"And that is…?"

"This was our zookeeper hut!" Vince's eyes were shining brightly, illuminated by his smile. He started to pick his way through the debris, kicking blackened, unidentifiable objects out of his path. "This was the kitchen…" Vince said, standing in the right hand corner of the rubble, looking around him as though he could see it still.

"I'm guessing we shared in here too, then." Howard said in a mildly queasy voice, stepping gingerly into the small rectangular structure as though it might still scald him.

"Err, yep. We'd just lay our sleeping bags on the floor over…" Vince hopped over some dangerous looking sharp wooden planks sticking up from the floor and stood in the left hand side of the hut, "here. The living area." Vince clarified.

Howard wrinkled his nose. He felt like he could still smell the burning.

"So, if you're not gonna tell me I guess I'll ask… why is everything _burnt_?" Vince looked away. It was an involuntary response, and a giveaway one at that. "Ah. Touchy subject? What'd you do, forget to put your cigarette out?" Howard shook his head as if he'd seen it coming.

"I err… left my straighteners on." Vince looked sheepishly at his silver moon boots. "Nicky Clarke – hottest you can get y'know?" Vince joked weakly.

"So I've been living with the man who managed to accidentally end countless careers and possbly _lives_ with his own idiocy? God, what the hell am I doing with my life?"

"Actually you didn't know. Nobody knows. Well, except Naboo. He gave Joey Moose a potion so he'd say he did it."

Howard laughed, but it didn't meet his eyes. Vince had heard this laugh a few times over the past few days but it didn't make it any less disconcerting.

"Look, Howard it don't matter. Let me just show you about a bit. We're here now, we might as well try it."

Vince didn't wait for a reply. He stepped around the older man and marched down towards the baboon enclosure.

_Shit. Maybe coming here wasn't the best idea. He's hardly gonna warm to me now he knows I torched a fucking zoo to the ground._

Vince sat down on his and Howard's favourite bench; the only thing left standing in the desolate ruins around him. Looking towards what used to be the exhibit for small monkeys (now resembling the ashen remains of a forest fire), Vince heard Howard sit down next to him, relaxing immediately into the seat in a way the old Howard never would have done.

"So let me guess, this was where Naboo grew his vast supply of weed?"

Vince's head snapped up in a mixture of surprise, horror and hope.

_Oh my god I can't believe _Howard _is talking about drugs so casually but how could he know Naboo smoked weed unless he remembered-_

"Oh come on Vince, I've seen the impressive variety of hookah's lying around the flat, I'm not an idiot. Plus, you don't seem like the type."

Vince thought it best not to bring up his partying phase. He swallowed his disappointment with an award-winning effort.

"This was the baboon enclosure. We used to come here _all the time_ Howard. We'd sit here, drink tea and watch the monkeys. We named them all, gave them personalities and voices. Of course I could hear their voices anyway but I loved playing those games with you so much that I never said nothing."

"What are you saying you could _talk to animals?_"

"Yeah. It was my gift. Everyone at the zoo knew it." The look Howard gave Vince was so patronising it made Vince want to punch him for a second. Letting it go with visible effort once more, Vince said, "Howard please, _try _to remember." Sending out a silent prayer to Jagger, Vince laid his hands on Howard's, who immediately became tense. "We could sit here for hours, just talking and messing about. The whole day would slip by and we wouldn't even notice! Then we'd go to the hut and talk more – all night sometimes. We were best friends – we always have been and you _promised…_ you promised we always would be."

Vince had never been this honest with anyone before, not even Howard. They'd never needed to talk about their relationship really, except for that time when Lance Dior tried to replace him, and even then their conversation had been awkward, stunted and full of casual insults. Vince preferred to keep his feelings bottled up, where no one could reject them or laugh at them. His shallow nature seemed to convince everyone that there were no real feelings there anyway.

There was a long silence. It grew longer. Howard stared into Vince's eyes, his brow furrowed intensely. Vince waited for what seemed like an age, and Howard pulled away from him, stood up and walked away.

Flashback

"Vince! Vince where the fuck are you?"

_Oh Christy, I didn't even think about how Howard would react. _

Vince flew in the direction of Howard's voice, abandoning a panicked Naboo in mid-conversation.

"Howard!"

Vince couldn't yell too much or he wouldn't be able to hear his best friend's voice. He ran towards it, listening intently, hearing the faint calls from further ahead.

_Oh fuck. _

It was practically a death trap. Vince could barely see any longer, the smoke clouded his vision, squirming into his eyes and clawing its way down his already raw throat. Still, he stumbled blindly on, thanking the heavens that Howard sounded close now.

"Vince! VINCE! Please, I-I can't see, where are you- Oh god…"

Howard's voice was desperate, pleading. Vince vaguely made out the outline of their hut through the smoky haze and, sure he was close enough to be heard now, stumbled through the door yelling, "Howard! Come on, I'm here!"

"Oh thank _GOD."_

Vince felt Howard's hand clamp down on his shoulder. Knowing there was no time to spare, he wound his fingers tightly through Howard's and started running back the way he had come, tugging Howard with him. They both tried to ignore the sharp, stabbing pain in the left hand side of their chest when they heard the hut crumbling to the ground behind them.

Safely out of the smoky haze, after he'd finished coughing his guts up, Howard rounded on Vince and shoved him, hard.

"You GIT. I thought you were _dead_! I couldn't leave you, I had to save you, do you have any _idea…"_

Howard's anger seemed to melt away as he took in Vince's apologetic, guilt filled eyes. He trailed off and threw his arms around the younger man, not caring if anyone saw.

"Don't do that to me ever again."

End Flashback

The drive back to Dalston was long and arduous. Howard was pointedly ignoring the fact that Vince had poured a little of his heart out to him on the bench and instead, it seemed, was focusing on his new found love of Electro.

"Where did you go last night?" Vince said, turning the radio down before he could stop himself.

Howard shrugged, looking out of the open window and letting the breeze rush through his hair.

_This is fucking ridiculous. He has shades on for Christ's sake!_

"I dunno, a few bars, a couple of clubs… why?"

"_Clubs? _You. Went to clubs? What did you _do?"_

"What's the big deal? So I went out clubbing! I danced, I drank, chatted up some girl…"

_No._

Vince slammed the breaks on with such violence, they both nearly knocked themselves out on the dashboard. Luckily, they had just turned into their road. Vince hurled open the door and jumped out. Slamming the door behind him, he didn't bother to wait for Howard, he just stormed off down the street to the flat, let himself in and ran straight up to his room. He kicked the door shut with the force of someone who'd been a victim of bullying and abuse in his teens and threw himself on the bed, burying his face in his hands. He was so _angry._

_But why? _

He vaguely heard Howard come in and pad across to his bedroom.

_At least he's home now. What if he's going out again though? Is he gonna 'chat up some girl' again? I don't know how to deal with this kind of behaviour! Howard would never do something like this! Except… he would. Because this is Howard now. Maybe this is the Howard I'm gonna have to live with forever now. _

For some reason, this thought made Vince burst into noisy, unattractive sounding tears. He hadn't cried this way since he was 15 and Howard left for the first time.

_I guess I've never needed to since. I always knew he'd come back. But now... If I don't have him I'm nothing. I'm one of those shallow sheep that claim to be my friends and then ditch me as soon as the partying is over. Who would put up with me like Howard did? Who would laugh at my jokes that barely make sense? Who would let me cuddle up to them in the middle of the night when I've convinced myself there are clawed beasts in my duvet? Who would go on an almost certain-death mission to save me when I was dying of Jazz? _

He heard the sound of footsteps, the front door opening and closing. He pressed his lips together and tried not to think about a tarted up floozie in Howard's arms.

Vince rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. He started to pick out shapes in the swirling paint patterns, but soon they all became Howard's face so he closed his eyes. Images flashed across his eyelids: Howard in his purple suit, smoking a cigarette, gazing up at him, saving him just in time from psychotic Electro girls; Howard finding him alone and sad because he'd found a grey hair (it turned out to be a silver streamer) and giving him Gary Numan concert tickets; Howard smiling; Howard in his fluffy maroon dressing gown, the one he wore when he secretly wanted a cuddle; Howard looking at him like he was everything he'd ever need.

_I love him._

The thought should have been terrifying, jarring. It should have caused him to panic and flee. Instead, it felt like it had always been there, buried under the thousands of corked-up bottles of feelings crowding his mind and finally, finally it had fought its way out.

_That's how I do it. That's how I get him back. I show him. I remind him. That I'm in love with him. _

**Revelation alert! Bout time eh? Either the next chapter or the chapter after that will be the last one. Depends how long it takes to fit it all in. There's one more phase in Vince's plan and then THE FINALE. xxxx**_  
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	8. Chapter 8

**Ohmygod. Here we go, last part of the plan. The PENULTIMATE CHAPTER. I don't even know what to say. Reviews, as always would be just lovely. Love you all 3**_  
_

_This is fucking ridiculous. He's never even gonna notice!_

Vince's mind was screaming at him as he continued to apply the fifth coat of mascara. He worked with precision, his face up close to the mirror, breathing very slowly. Of course, Vince Noir's makeup routine was no quick slap-job usually, but this time he wanted to look as perfect as possible. After using the entirety of Naboo's Miracle Wax on his barnet so it was sleek and incredibly soft to the touch, he'd set about using his many, _many _palettes and tubes to highlight his already prominent features.

_Okay, that's mascara, eyeliner, concealer, blush, glitter… what else? Oh yeah._

Vince opened the small drawer in his dressing table, reaching right to the back where he knew his 'Cosmos Candy' lip-gloss was hidden away and tried to not think about the last time he wore it. With a practiced sweep of the glossy wand over his lips, Vince stepped back to assess himself in the full-length mirror.

_Not bad I guess._

When he had first conjured up this plan, Vince hadn't known why he wanted this to be the last place he and Howard would come. He just knew that it was important somehow, a key to their relationship in some way. Now of course, he knew better. He understood why he had chosen their own rooftop as the final destination.

_Because it was the moment Howard almost loved me back._

Vince had to admit, he looked suspiciously dressed up even for him, but it was important. Wearing the flouncy, blue outfit teamed with the same knee-high silver boots would help Howard to remember that night exactly as it happened. Or at least that's what Vince was telling himself. Running his hands through his hair nervously (careful not to displace the silver headband), Vince turned reluctantly from the mirror and walked out of the bedroom.

"How-" Vince stopped dead in his tracks, his voice catching in his throat. In front of him, sitting nonchalantly on the sofa, was Howard. He was laughing and making vague noises of approval into a mobile phone held against his ear. But Vince barely noticed. Something much, much worse was screaming at Vince, demanding his attention.

_His moustache… it's gone._

He could barely comprehend something this radical in Howard's behaviour. He knew Howard had been...not himself lately (thanks to him) and he'd tried to ignore it as best he could, knowing he was doing his best to bring back the old Howard's predictable, introverted nature. But this… Howard had always said his moustache defined him. He was adamant that no matter what ridiculous disguises they wore or how many zoo owners swanned in with their silver horseshoe's, the moustache stayed. He hardly looked like himself anymore. Vince just stared.

"Yeah, she was all over the place. Haha! …Yeah and then Leroy threw up on her. Genius night." Howard carried on speaking into the phone, seemingly unaware of Vince's presence. After a minute or so, Howard looked up and caught Vince's eye. "Oh, uh- Joey? Yeah, I gotta go mate. Yeah, I will. See you tonight maybe. Later."

Howard hung up and turned to Vince.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

Vince couldn't speak for a moment. He tried to make sense of what he had just witnessed.

_Howard, no moustache, has a mobile (where did he get that?), who the hell is JOEY? He was out with Leroy last night? Why didn't Leroy say anything to me about it?_

"You'veshavedoffyourmoustache."

The words came out in a tangle – after all this was the first time he had spoken to Howard after realising he was completely in love with him.

"Oh. Yeah." Howard seemed not to notice Vince's nervous behaviour. Either that or he didn't care. "Wasn't really much of a moustache though was it? More of a cappuccino stain."

Vince's eye twitched. He decided that he'd have to ignore this moustache business or he'd go insane.

"Right. Well are you ready for phase four?" Vince asked with nervous anticipation.

"What? Oh right. Yeah, about that Vince, I'm not sure if this is such a great idea. I appreciate the help and everything but-"

_No no no no. _

"No! No, this is the last bit of the plan!" Vince tried not to stare too obviously at the bare patch of skin on Howard's top lip. "I know the other parts were a bit of a flop but this one is… an important place, I swear! This one's gotta work Howard I know it."

Howard sighed and closed his eyes. After a moment, he said "Alright," like it was a tremendous sacrifice on his part. "as long as it's the last one. I just don't think this is working Vince."

Vince grinned to cover up his anxiety at Howard's sudden reluctance. He beckoned to Howard and walked down the hall.

"Umm Vince? You do know the way out is that way right?" Said Howard, jerking a thumb in the direction of the stairs leading down to the shop.

"We're not going that way. We're going up." Vince pointed towards the ceiling, his swirly blue sleeves swishing around his elbow. Howard's eyes widened in concern. "Come on, I'll show you."

Vince darted into Naboo's room opposite, carefully opening the door so that Howard wouldn't see the mess of potions inside and grabbed hold of the ladder stored safely in there by its rungs, and pulled it out, causing only a mini avalanche of bottles. He propped the ladder up against the wall underneath the hatch. He glanced over at Howard. His friend's face was full of nervous curiosity.

"Up we go!" Vince said, climbing the ladder swiftly and pushing the hatch open with the palm of his hand. He clambered out onto the rooftop, managing not to slip on the smooth surface despite wearing totally unsuitable heels. He leaned over and peered down into the flat, where Howard stood with his hands on either side of the ladder.

_There's something adorable about his nervousness. _

"Come on up! The air's fine." Said Vince cheekily, holding out his hand to help Howard.

Howard begun his climb warily and then, batting Vince's hand away, clambered out awkwardly. He began to slip a bit but regained his footing easily and practically walked up the slanted rooftop to sit leaning against the chimney. Just as he had before.

_Well that was impressive. _

"So." Howard said, looking around himself and trying not to look impressed. "We're here. What now?"

Vince was distracted for a moment. He used to come up here all the time before he became a crazy party animal, but could never explain why he loved it so much until he was actually up there, surrounded by the dazzling sapphire twilight spattered with stars – like someone had flicked a paintbrush across the sky – and of course the brilliant, gigantic, crazy moon illuminating the entire cityscape, giving London an ethereal glow and transforming it into world of fantasy. And now, seeing Howard up here, through his love-stained irises, it was almost too much to bear. Too much perfect. Howard made the moon look like a dimming lightbulb. He was luminescent, beautiful and...

_Gone_.

"…Oh! Well… I dunno really. We came up here once, last year. It was your birthday. You were upset and I… made it better."

Howard looked at Vince long and hard. Vince tried not to crumble under his scrutiny.

"How did you make me feel better?"

_Shit. Quick! Distract him. _

"Howard…" Vince placed his hands over Howard's, like he had done the previous day and looked up to meet his gaze. Suddenly, he gasped and nearly jumped backwards.

_Fuck. I'd forgotten about his eyes! _

Howard's eyes had turned to a deep indigo, wisps of violet floating on the surface. The pigment seemed to be swirling about as if it had a mind of its own. Even worse, Vince was sure the colour wasn't this dark the last time he'd seen it. Too late, Vince realised he'd been sitting there for a good minute just staring into Howard's eyes, his hands still on Howard's. Just as he was about to move away and mumble a vague apology, Howard gasped loudly and looked suddenly terrified. He snatched his hands away from Vince and stood up abruptly, holding on to the chimney for support before climbing hurriedly back down towards the hatch.

"Howard wait! Where are you going?"

_What just happened?_

Flashback

Vince's heart was pounding madly in his chest. He stumbled down the hall, cursing all those girls that had brought him drinks. He saw the stepladder and went for it, his mind full of angry head-Shaman's and hypnotising Eastern Princesses.

In the midst of the kerfuffle, Vince had forgotten Howard's traumatic spin-the-bottle experience. Guilt flooded through him when he saw his best friend sitting alone on the rooftop, though it was quickly chased away by the sugar-enhanced alcohol coursing through his veins.

"Hi." Howard said glumly. "What're you doing here?"

"Head Shaman's gone mental. Thinks I got off with his wife." Vince clambered up to sit next to his friend. He didn't have to explain that he wouldn't do something like that. Not to Howard. "He's gonna chop my head off! What're you doing here?" Vince ran his hand through his hair nervously, captivated by the moonlit setting.

"I'm in hiding aren't I? Hiding from the shame, the embarrassment that is my birthday party."

Vince tried not to roll his eyes at Howard's typical melodrama. He couldn't help letting out a little sigh.

_Honestly, it's just like him to go and make a mountain out a molehill. _

"Come on Howard, it doesn't matter that you're a virgin, it's fine!" He touched Howard's arm, to reassure him and because he wanted to. Despite the fact that Howard had no reason to be upset, Vince couldn't stand seeing him look so sad. "Women respect that, they don't mind that you've not gone beyond the kiss."

Howard looked away for a moment, trying to be discreet. But this was Vince, his best and oldest friend. He knew Howard like he knew Jean Claude Jaquettie's new fashion range. Even so, it didn't make the revelation any less surprising.

"You've never kissed anyone have you?" He tried to say it delicately, mainly because he couldn't believe it was true, but Howard was a defensive being at the best of times.

"So?" He shot back defiantly.

"Have you ever held anyone's hand?" Vince scanned through his own memory, trying to remember a time when he'd seen Howard holding hands with someone, even with him. A lot of 'Don't touch me!' exclamations came to mind.

"I don't like people touching me okay?"

_Ah. There's one now._

"I've had deeper relationships in my mind, at a distance than you'll ever have in your lifetime, you know that?"

Vince felt a pang go through his heart.

_What does that mean? Mrs Gideon? The Pencilcase girl? Who else could he be talking about? Me?_

"Are you talking about the incident with the binoculars?" Said Vince hurriedly, trying to distract himself from that drunken train of thought.

"That was never proved okay!"

"It was in The Guardian!"

"Look." Howard said, clearly having trouble grappling for Vince's attention.

_Is he trying to tell me something? God I wish I was sober, everything's so distracting._

"I don't flit about, I don't 'play the field'. Alright?" Vince winced internally as Howard mocked his earlier statement.

_God I sound so shallow when I hear it through Howard's voice._

"When I make that leap across the physical boundary, it'll be forever, sir!"

_Wow. I've never, ever had morals like that. Bloody hell, maybe he is a poet 'n all. Whoever steals your virginity Howard, will not deserve it one bit._

Of course, it was at that moment that the Head Shaman decided to emerge from below, like a weed pushing mercilessly between two flowers, interrupting their blossom.

"AHA! There you are you prancing tit! Prepare to die!"

Vince had calmed considerably by now, and up here, with Howard in his favourite place in the world, the Head Shaman and his wife seemed trivial.

"Look, mate I'm not interested in your wife, we were just standing in a cupboard together!" Vince said earnestly, knowing Howard was watching, ready to back him up if necessary.

"Just standing in the cupboard with an _Extreme Sports Model, _I don't think so!" The Head Shaman raised his sword, prepared to strike.

_I've gotta admit that does sound hard to believe. Better step it up a notch._

"I'm not interested in your wife, I'm in love with someone already!"

"The lies of a backtracking worm!"

_God this guy needs convincing. _

"I'm in love with Howard!"

_O-kay. Didn't exactly expect those words to come out. I guess it's just cos he's… here? _

"Oh, yeah. We're in love." Howard said, without missing a beat.

An involuntary shiver went through Vince at the sound of Howard's words. He blamed it on the cool night breeze. The air was still.

_Aw. He didn't even think twice about coming to my rescue. I think we're out of the woods now. _

"Prove it!"

_What? How am I gonna-Oh. _

It took Vince less than two seconds to know what to do. It would solve everything. Howard wouldn't be unhappy anymore, the Head Shaman would be convinced that he wasn't about to have his wife stolen from him, and Vince might actually have a shot at not being lonely. Filling the hole in his heart with various giggling girls hadn't really worked out for him so far in life. (Neither had the giggling boys). He and Howard were always together anyway, people were constantly assuming they were a couple. Why would it be any different if instead of pretending to go to sleep in his own bed at night and sneaking over to Howard's for a cuddle, they just pushed their beds together? Why would it make things any worse if after they closed up shop Howard slipped his strong arms around his waist and pulled him in for a kiss? What would be bad about letting their cuddle sessions during Colobos the Crab or their Satsuma fights or their crimping turn into something more? In fact, it was almost certainly the eager way in which Vince threw his arms around Howard's neck and kissed him with fervour and excitement at this prospect, that convinced the Head Shaman his marriage troubles were not down to this girlish, sparkly man on the rooftop.

Of course, that's when it all went wrong. Vince _knew_ that after he'd kissed Howard, the older man would assume Vince was his world. He had heard it with his own ears 'When I cross that physical boundary, it'll be forever, sir!'. But upon leaving Howard's warm, safe lips, Vince felt the panic start to set in.

_What am I DOING? Vince Noir can't be in a relationship with a Jazzy Northerner! What will the Camden Elite make of this? God, I'm such an idiot. I've gotta get out of this._

Hearing Howard shout his declaration of love from the rooftop and pretending not to care was hard. He denied all acknowledgement of what the kiss had been with an admirable determination. But the picture of what their life could have been still danced tantalisingly in front of Vince's eyes, and he was lost in thoughts of Howard's omnipresent love again when the older man knocked them both off the roof.

By the time they hit the bouncy floor, it was too late to change his mind.

End Flashback

Howard disappeared down the hole and Vince wasted no time in chasing after him, just managing to close the window without catching his sleeve in the process. He jumped down and followed Howard to his room. The door slammed closed before he could get to it but Vince didn't plan on waiting for Howard to emerge from his den after hours of avoiding him. Not this time.

Vince shoved the door open.

"Howard what- Oh my god." Vince stared open mouthed at the scene before him. Clothes littered the floor and several surfaces, flung about in gay abandon, cups of half-drunk coffee could be seen in spotted wherever you looked, the bed was unmade and both pillows had been thrown across the room. And then there was the paper! Everywhere, there were lists and sheets of writing, some torn up, some scrunched up into balls and thrown at the walls.

Howard was pacing, looking thoroughly undone. He glared at Vince when he entered but seemed not to have the energy to send him out again. He was running his hands through his hair agitatedly, muttering to himself inaudibly.

"Howard, tell me what happened!"

"I can't do this anymore Vince!" Yelled Howard, kicking paper out of his way. A scrap landed on the toe of Vince's silver boot and he tried not to notice it was the phone number of someone called 'Crystal'. "It's not working! It never worked! This whole _plan _of yours is completely ridiculous. You take me to these godawful places, which are usually totally unsafe and completely _mad! _They never mean anything to me!"

"I'm doing my best to help you Howard! You're my best friend! I just want you back!"

Howard looked up scornfully at Vince, who was still just inside the doorway. "_Was_. Was your best friend."

_Yes, if you're wondering. That felt exactly like being punched in the stomach. Or the heart. More like the heart. Pretend my ribcage wasn't there though. Then imagine Howard Moon standing there and punching me in the heart. Ow._

"I mean how do I even know you're telling me the truth? I'm not _stupid _y'know Vince, I've known you four days and I'd bet good money on the fact that you had something to do with my memories going AWOL." Vince's face drained of colour. "Who knows? You and I could've been mortal enemies, I have no idea, cos for some reason you seem to think I should take everything you say at face value! Well, it's not working anymore Vince. It's over."

"W-what are you saying Howard?" Vince asked quietly, not quite meeting his eyes.

Howard took a deep breath in and sat down on his makeshift bed. He put his head in his hands, moving them upwards until they raked through his hair.

"I'm moving out."

"WHAT?" Vince couldn't help himself, if he didn't shout, he was going to start pleading and crying.

Howard snarled at Vince's anger. "Oh come off it. Can you blame me?" He stood up, furious. "My life here was clearly a joke. I'm 32 and I live here with two other guys and a GORILLA! My only friends are a spoiled, wannabe-transvestite moron who's deluded himself into thinking he's some kind of rockstar and a blind, deluded jazz musician that I'm pretty sure is clinically insane. I'm leaving Vince, it's time for me to grow up get a life, God knows why it took me this long."

_Stop it. You don't mean this. You can't. What if Howard always felt this way – and now all the memories of us are gone, it's free to burst forth?_

"Oh yeah? And what about us? What about the shop? Naboo…"

Howard laughed again and looked up at the ceiling like he was going around in circles.

"Whatever we had Vince… I don't understand it now. You're so different from me. You're funny and seem alright, but whatever- I can't put my life on hold for someone I've just met. And the shop? Well, despite you telling me we have a full time job as shopkeepers, we've spent the last four days running around trying to find my memory and haven't opened up once. Since there's no angry mob of customers outside demanding their jazz records and hand painted china monkey masks, I think it'll be alright without me. I'll stay here tonight cos I'm going out with Leroy, but tomorrow I'm gonna pack my stuff and go to a hotel."

Vince felt like he was frozen.

_How do I hide the fact that Howard has just sent my whole world crashing down around me? _

He turned his face to the carpet to escape from Howard's scorching, ultraviolet gaze, letting his fringe fall forward to hide the tears gathering in his ducts. He tried to blink them away but two escaped and fell to the carpet. If Howard noticed, he didn't comment. Vince fled from the room.

* * *

Lying on his bed in his darkened bedroom, Vince let the tears flow. He didn't make a sound, partially because he wasn't sure he could.

_This is it. I've failed. Howard's gone. Almost. I can practically feel the last pieces of him slipping away. Once he walks out that door tomorrow, he's never coming back. My Howard. _

Vince screwed up his face in the darkness.

_What the hell is wrong with me? Why aren't I enough for him? Howard was always enough for me. When I was dying, Howard was the one who could communicate with me through scat. People thought it was because he's such a Jazz maverick and everything but I know it was because we're so in tune. Howard knew it too, after. We talked about it. People don't mean nothing when they're scatting normally it's just noises. But by looking into my eyes and hearing the way I said it, Howard and I made up our own little language. In the space of about thirty seconds. That's special that is. Only people really on the same wavelength can do stuff like that. It's the same as crimping really, how do I know what Howard will say before he says it? I just do. And vice versa. So why can't I get through to him now? Me? The closest person to him in the world? _

Vince heard the familiar sound of Howard's footsteps echoing through the apartment and creeping down the stairs.

_Bye then Howard. Don't let some tart steal your virginity tonight because she won't be worth it. Give it to someone you love. Please. _

_I can't believe it's been four days since I opened the shop! Has it really? God, Naboo is gonna KILL ME. Maybe I should go down and move some stuff around so it looks like someone's been having a browse. It's not like it's unusual that no-one's bought anything anyway. _

Ignoring the stain left on his pillow from his tears, (he was planning on sleeping in Howard's bed tonight anyway) Vince wandered through the empty flat and down to the darkened shop.

_God it's creepy down in here in the dark. Everything looks like it's about to jump out and eat me. _

He hovered with one foot on the last step, one on the shop floor. His gaze flickered to the shop counter where Howard usually sat when he entered. Vince tried to remember the last time he'd seen Howard sitting there. It seemed like a lifetime ago. With a shudder, he remembered it was the day of the argument; the day everything went wrong.

_Well, okay so it had been wrong for a while. The day everything got substantially worse. _

"Oh!" Vince exclaimed to himself breathily. Howard had been sitting there that day but not reading The Global Explorer like he normally did. That was the day Vince had caught him looking at something he was embarrassed about.

_Well, it's not like I'm gonna be able to tease him about it now is it? May as well have a look. _

Vince slid off his silver boots and put them lovingly down on the bottom stair. He pushed the stepladder up to the shelf where the thick brown book was perched and reached up to grab it. Holding the hard, dusty cover up to his face to try and read the title, something slid from in between the pages and fluttered to the floor.

Vince descended the ladder eagerly and stooped to pick it up.

_Oh… _

It was a picture of himself and Howard, barely visible in the filtered light coming through the shop windows. The picture was from back in the days of the zoo, and had been taken one evening when he, Howard and Joey Moose were supposed to be doing the last animal-checks of the day.

Flashback

"Where did you get that camera anyway?" Asked Howard, laughing.

"Nicked it off some tourist." Howard wished he was surprised, but Joey was well-known for his thievery. Bob Fossil turned a blind eye because believe it or not, reptile specialists are hard to come by.

"Shit, Howard! It's fucking tipping it down!" Vince cried, looking out of the door of the Reptile House.

"Good thing I've got a coat then isn't it!" Howard yelled back, holding a squirming lizard up for inspection.

"Ohhhh, Howard! I forgot mine!"

"Yeah, well I reminded you eighty-nine times! I told you the weather forecast had said heavy showers and you pointedly refused, saying coats don't work with the 'image you're trying to create'."

Joey laughed at this, helping Howard deposit the lizard back into its cage.

"Honestly Vincey, you can't expect Howard to do everything for ya! He ain't ya wife y'know mate!" Joey said in his strong Australian lilt.

Joey was one of the few people at the zoo who didn't seem to think Howard and Vince were married. Howard suspected this was because he had his eye on the little man, but Vince laughed it off, claiming Howard was paranoid and Joey had his eye on the Gift Shop girl.

"Really." There was mischief in Vince's eyes.

End Flashback

Vince tried not to let the tears fall on the photograph. He looked at his younger self in hatred, for not knowing what he had his arms wrapped around and how much it was worth. In the picture, they were outside the hoofed mammals hut. Howard had zipped Vince into his own coat, and they were squashed together in the straining fabric, Vince looking up at Howard's laughing face, Howard looking towards the camera. Howard had his arms through the sleeves and had wrapped them around Vince – _because I'd just said he was the best wife in the world. _Joey had teased Howard relentlessly from then on, constantly asking him why he wasn't at home baking Vince little cakes, but he stopped looking at Vince in that predatory way and anyway, Howard didn't seem to mind the teasing.

_God, I didn't even know this existed. That day, before we argued, he was missing me. He was looking at this and thinking about that time. I wonder if he has more stuff I don't know about?_

Vince hurtled up the stairs, in between laughter and crying. He dove to Howard's side of the room and rummaged through his cupboards, his bookshelves and finally under the bed. He laid everything he found on Howard's bed, creating a mad pile of bric-a-brac that to anyone else, would have looked like junk. Once he was sure he'd been through everything, Vince surveyed his plunder in awe. Books, diaries, photo albums, drawings, letters, clothes – clearly Howard was some kind of obsessed hoarder.

_But only when it comes to me._

All night Vince looked through what he'd found. He pored over everything, sucking it all up like a hoover, so it could be implanted on his brain forever. A lot of what he saw and read made him laugh, because that's what they did, him and Howard – they laughed together or at each other – but mostly he just cried. He cried until his stomach muscles ached and his throat felt like it was on fire. He cried until there were no tears left in his body.

_Because he loved me too. And now, because of me, he never will again._

Clutching the picture of him and Howard in the rain, Vince fell asleep.

**Crying because the next chapter is the last one and stuff. xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Oh wow, here it is! The last chapter! I tried to wrap everything up, I did everything I'd originally intended and I'm very happy. Reviews are wonderful as ever. I've loved writing this. Thank you for reading/enjoying. Love you all.**

**Btw I've slipped so many Boosh related references in all the way through :L Par Example, in a sec The Hellfire Club was where Noely first met Julian. Just thought I'd add that in there ;) x  
**

**Oh last thing! IMPORTANT INFO: This entire chapter is from HOWARD'S POV. The other chapters have all been Vince and I always wanted this to be t'other way around.  
**

"Wow, I love your shirt!"

The insipid, blonde, shrieking girl clung to Howard's arm, yelling into his ear so she could be heard over the loud thrumming bass undulating through The Hellfire Club. Howard looked down at her, seeing her sweat-smudged eye makeup and the lipstick staining her wide, toothy smile.

_Ugh. I've gotta get out of here, _Howard thought.

Sneering at the girl, Howard wrenched his arm out of her clammy grasp and pushed himself off the bar, plunging into the crowd before him.

"Hey, Howie! Where're you goin?"

Howard ignored her, whatever her name was.

_Candy, Cotton, Crystal, something equally ridiculous._

Pushing his way through the heaving bodies on the dancefloor, Howard peered over the bobbing heads to look for Leroy. He was suddenly yanked sideways by the arm, and came face to face with the man himself, grinning madly and urging Howard to dance.

"No, NO, Leroy I'm going!"

"WHAT?"

"I SAID I'M GOING!"

The music was louder in the centre of the crowd and Howard felt like his whole body was surging with the beat.

_They probably have speakers under the floors… well cool._

Howard shook the thought off, annoyed, and surveyed Leroy's reaction.

"NO! WHY? WE'RE MOVING ON SOON! STAY FOR ONE MORE CLUB!"

"NO WAY, I'M NOT FEELING IT TONIGHT. I'LL CATCH YOU LATER."

Before Leroy could respond, Howard turned and shoved back through the crowd, much to the annoyed shouts of colourful dancers. Pushing through the doors onto the street, Howard stood bent over with his hands on his knees, taking deep lungfuls of cool night air after being in the oxygen-starved club for so long.

_God. What's the matter with me?_

A group of young teenagers walked past, laughing and screeching at each other. Upon seeing Howard, bent double outside the club, they began laughing and jeering.

_Idiots. _

He started walking. He was clumsy on his feet due to all the beers but he was able to walk.

_Stupid Vince. Stupid, ignorant, selfish Vince and his stupid plan. God, I didn't need this! It's so obvious this is all his fault. I don't even wanna know what he did but it's bound to have been for his own benefit. Best friend my arse. And now look at me! Thanks to that utter BERK I'm left with no memories. Except one. And not just any one either! The most bloody confusing memory of all probably! Why did the rest of his plan utterly fail but that one memory managed to break through the nothingness? It's so damn CONFUSING._

Howard replayed the image over and over in his mind, trying desperately to make sense of it. Earlier, on the rooftop, Vince had seemed like he was trying to censor the memory he was attempting to recreate. Howard had mistakenly pushed him to find out what he was hiding but having Vince so _close, _holding his hands, in that almost ridiculously romantic setting, something had begun to fizzle in Howard's addled brain. When Vince met his eyes, an image flashed across his mind, like a blank television receiving a flicker of signal.

_Vince kissed me._

_How am I supposed to deal with that? What does that MEAN? Why did he kiss me? Did I want him to? Did I kiss him back?_

"FUCK!" Howard shouted into the dark, empty street.

The image had fled Howard's mind as quickly as it had come and Howard was left terrified, confused and strangely curious. He'd fled the rooftop immediately.

_And then he has the nerve to get upset about me leaving. Here I am – lost, confused, lonely and fucking frightened of what my life once was because I don't UNDERSTAND it and it's all his fault. All of it!_

* * *

Howard stood outside the Nabootique, breathing heavily. He raised his head to look up at the flat window above – the one that he knew was in Vince's room. The light was off, but he hadn't expected the younger man to be awake at this hour.

_Especially after all that crying I pretended not to hear before I left. _

Images of Vince in his near-transparent blue top, curled up in his bed, crying over the person that once was his best friend leaving for good flew into Howard's mind. He felt all the anger seeping out of him, leaking into the night air, and unbeknownst to Howard, to slide away and infect the drunk, pink tentacle alien down the road. To the sound of a loud, "This is a fucking outraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage!", Howard opened the door and went inside.

* * *

Howard didn't know how long he'd been standing in the doorway when Vince moved slightly, dislodging several scraps of paper covering him and jerking Howard back into reality.

_Most people are peaceful when they sleep. Vince looks like he's fighting a war behind his lids. God knows what's going on in his mind. Maybe it's better to be lost in a void of nothingness than be drowning in the vivid craziness of Vince's brain._

Vince's eyelids were flickering wildly and he shifted again, turning onto his back. In the process, a heavy looking book slid off onto the floor. Howard jumped at the sudden sound in the silent room and Vince sat up, gasping loudly. Howard opened his mouth, ready to ramble off an excuse about why he'd been standing in the doorway watching his flatmate sleeping, but remained silent – partly because he couldn't think of a believable reason and partly because it seemed that Vince was oblivious to his presence anyway.

Indeed, the smaller man was running his hands through his ruffled hair, gazing at the items strewn across his bed in a disheartened way.

_Hold on, isn't that my old bed?_

Vince's breathing was softer now, Howard would have said he sounded almost sad if it were possible to determine that through someone's breathing pattern. Vince reached down and grasped the heavy book that had fallen to the floor, pulling it up onto his lap in one fluid motion.

_What is that…_

Howard leaned forwards slightly, craning his neck to read the title of the book. Suddenly, Vince's head snapped up and saw Howard standing there, and for a few seconds both of them were frozen in shock, unable to speak. Vince seemed to recover first, and hastily began gathering up all the papers and trinkets around him, placing them on the floor and in little piles by his sides. He switched on the bedside light to help him as he worked.

"Howard…I…I didn't know you were b-back, I'm sorry-"

_Shit, look at his face. How long has he been crying?_

"Vince…"

"N-no, I'm fine, really, god what time is it? I'll make us some tea or something, yeah? Or was there something you wanted, or…?"

"No. Look Vince... I'm sorry, maybe I was a bit harsh earlier, I didn't mean to upset you so much-"

"Upset? I'm fine! I'm okay honestly, it's just like you to overreact. I mean… not anymore of course… maybe… How bout that tea then yeah?"

Pointedly not looking at Howard it seemed, Vince got up from the bed and pushed past the man in the doorway to escape the situation.

_Oh jeez. _

After taking a moment to rub his tired eyes, Howard surveyed the room with mild curiosity. He couldn't pretend he wasn't dying to know what Vince was looking at. Besides, all this stuff everywhere looked too earthy-coloured and dusty for it to belong to Vince.

_So maybe it belonged to me._

Taking a glance behind him into the flat, he could vaguely make out the shape of Vince in the kitchen, clattering about with the kettle in his shaking hands. He sat down on the bed eagerly, surprised at how comfortable it was.

_Not too soft, springs just taut enough to give proper back support…_

He grabbed the first thing within arms reach – an A5 maroon notebook with the words 'Property of Howard T.J Moon and nobody else" printed carefully on the front.

_Well… I guess that's me? It's more me than Vince is anyway and he's obviously had a peek._

He opened it to a random page in the middle and narrowed his eyes to read the pretentious, joined-up handwriting.

'…met this guy while out doing my wildlife photography, his name's Tommy Nooka, he's a zookeeper. He says the most profound things sometimes. Why do the bees fly when they could simply run? When I'm a man like Tommy I want to be remembered for my wise words. I don't want to be simply "Howard Moon: Explorer, Jazz Maverick, Novelist, Stamp Collector, Cream Poet" no sir! I want to be the man people will consult and seek advice from, on matters of the mind and the heart.  
**VINCE NOIR IS THE COOLEST GLAM ROCK FASHUN ICON I'VE EVER SEEN AND I LOVE HIM**.  
For god's sake. I can't leave him alone for five minutes without him vandalising my personal property! He's come round for a sleepover, or a 'slumber party' as he calls it but that's the American word for it. I tried telling him we're too old to do this now but he looked like he was about to cry, so I told him I was joking. Looks like I've got a roommate for life. Can't decide whether I mind… I don't think I do. He's quite cute when he's sleeping. He sucks his thumb. Shit, better hide this diary now. If he finds out I wrote that down he'll curl my eyelashes or something while I'm asleep.'

Howard smiled to himself, picturing the scene.

_We knew each other when we were teenagers? Vince would probably be wearing some ridiculous onesie. He sucks his thumb? Wow. I wonder if anyone else knows that?_

Still smiling, he pulled a photo album from under one of the pillows. Flipping it open, Howard's smile turned to an expression of awe. At the top, someone (probably Howard) had scrawled 'Our Journeys Through Time and Space'.

The first picture was so white it almost hurt to look at, he and Vince seemed to be in some kind of blizzard. There was so much snow filling the air that it was it was difficult to make out the two figures standing in the midst of it. The longer Howard looked, the more he could see. Vince, wearing some kind of blindingly crimson human coke can, had thrown his arms around Howard, who was standing awkwardly still, facing the camera, shrouded in a huge fur coat. Vince was grinning madly, his teeth and eyes glinting in the dazzling atmosphere.

_What the… Where are we? Who took this? Must've been on a timer. I look happy. He looks insane. But I suspect seeing Vince insane means he's happy. _

Howard turned the page.

He was confronted by an image of himself in a flowery Hawaiian shirt with an impressive beard. He looked like he was on a Caribbean holiday on the beach, only some things didn't quite add up. For one, Vince was wearing what seemed to be banana leaves to cover his torso (the picture didn't show below the waist), and furthermore, both men had their arms slung around what appeared to be two coconuts on sticks, sitting side by side in between them. The coconuts had actual faces carved out and even hair. Howard even found himself admiring the one with curly hair for her beauty. Then he nearly slapped himself. In the photograph, despite having their arms around separate 'women', Vince and Howard were looking at each other over the top of the coconut heads, smiling with pure mischief in their eyes.

_That is a good photo. I can see why I kept that one. It almost looks like we know something we don't want to admit. Or something…_

Howard desperately wanted to look at more photos but at the rate he was going, it would take him all night. Deciding to save the rest of the album until later, he pushed it away and grabbed at a mahogany box on the floor by his left foot. Lifting the lid carefully, Howard's bright purple eyes peeked inside. The box was filled with hair. Howard shuddered and held in a surprised yelp, closing the box suddenly. He readied himself, took a breath and looked again. Gingerly, he picked up a bundle of the thick black hair, tied by an elastic band. It was soft and shiny against his trumpet-roughened fingers.

_Dear god what the- Is this Vince's hair? Why do I have offcuts of Vince's hair…?_

Putting the mini ponytail down on the bed next to him, looking at it like it was going to spring to life any moment, he turned back to the box. Underneath the hair, it seemed, were a variety of fabrics and accessories. Raising his eyebrows in disbelief, Howard plucked a hand-woven bracelet out of the array. He held it up in front of his eyes, studying the many colours and patterns that had been so intricately combined. His breath hitched. There was a message stitched in to the underside. 'BFFs H&V'. It didn't take a genius to work that one out.

_Did I actually wear this at some point? Probably. Seemed like I was a pretty devoted friend. _

He was just peering back into the box again when he heard a voice from the living area. Slamming the lid closed quickly, Howard stood up, heart racing. After a few moments of panic, Howard started to calm down. The voice was getting no closer to the bedroom. Vince obviously wasn't going to walk in any moment.

_He must be talking on the phone._

Howard creeped over to the door which had been left ajar, and listened.

"Naboo, please I didn't mean any harm! It was just …an experiment!"

Vince was pacing the rug in the centre of the floor, his eyes scrunched closed.

"You don't understand, he was bein so horrible to me-"

"…yeah, I know he's my best friend. Of course I know!"

"…"

"Yeah, thanks Naboo I'm pretty aware of the fact I fucked up badly this time but you've gotta help me cos I've tried everything I can think of to get him back and…"

"What do you mean too late? There's gotta be a way-"

"About 5 days ago? In his tea."

"No they're not lilac anymore. They've gone kind of a deep purple. And they're all swirly. It's well weird Naboo."

There was a long silence as Naboo seemed to be talking to Vince for a long time. Vince stopped pacing after a while and without warning, sank down to his knees. He opened his eyes once but the sight of reality before him seemed to overwhelm the tiny figure and he quickly closed them again. He hung up the phone.

Howard darted back into the bedroom, hoping he hadn't been seen. It hardly came as a surprise that there was no way back to his memories now. He'd lost hope of that a while ago. But it hurt him to see Vince that distraught.

_Why does it hurt me? I've known him five days!  
_

Annoyed at himself, Howard grabbed what looked like another diary that was lying open, face-down on the floor and sat back in position on the bed. Taking a moment to notice the ink smudges and tear stains on the page, Howard started to read.

'Oh god. Tell me why this has happened to me? Why does it have to be me of all people? Howard Moon is a renowned ladies-man, man-about-town or whatever. But no, that was never the plan for Mr Moon was it? Instead I'm a sad, useless shopkeeper, refusing to go out into the world and chase my dreams because that would mean losing the only thing I've ever really cared about. Every time I convince myself that this is all absurd, that he's a weird, practically illiterate man-child who dresses like a girl, he'll swan in wearing some glittery flouncy outfit, stare at me with his kohl rimmed eyes and smile that smile that he saves just for me. He's become my whole world without me noticing. Sunk his cat claws into everything that made me up, so it all reminds me of him, it all smells of him, tastes of him. I feel like I'm suffocating, he's a boa constrictor winding around my whole being but I never want to be free. I want to tell him I'm in love with him, shake him by the shoulders and scream it at him so he'll stop coming home with lipstick smeared across his cheek and reeking of cheap perfume. I want to tell him to kill me because he'll never ever love me back and I can't stand it and anyway I wouldn't let anyone else do it but him. Instead I must sit at this counter, day after day, hoping that today he might notice me, might smile or brush his hand against my shoulder. But he won't. Not anymore.'

Howard held the book back away from him like it was poisonous.

_This… makes sense. I loved him. I was in love with him. I-_

"Enjoying that?" Vince's voice was like a bullet ricocheting around the room, making Howard drop the diary immediately and turn in shock. Vince was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He wasn't smiling. Howard had a fleeting idea that if you moved him away from the doorframe he was going to collapse and fall asleep again.

Instead, sighing, Vince moved forwards and sat next to Howard on the bed. Howard leaned away out of instinct, feeling defensive after being caught reading the diary.

_Although technically I was reading my own words. So why does it feel like I was intruding on something incredibly private?_

"I know you're not him anymore." Vince spoke quietly, as if he was too fatigued to lift the volume. "I don't think I'll ever quite give up hope that my Howard will come back though. I just want to warn you of that."

Vince was sitting on the bed, back against the wall with his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. When he'd finished speaking, he looked up at Howard, as if expecting some kind of acknowledgement. Howard nodded warily.

"I don't know how this works at all. Probably should of read the label right?" He chuckled darkly, staring forwards again. "Naboo just told me it was probably too late. I used his 'potion enhancer' see, it's supposed to make potions stronger or sutin. So he said it's unlikely we'd ever get you back, and if we've gone this long without managing to do it… well, these things just get worse over time apparently." Vince looked up sadly, tears shining in his wide, blue eyes. "Sorry your eyes will always be purple mate."

Howard tried and failed not to smile.

"I just wanted to say one thing, in case you ever have a sudden epiphany or anythin." Vince paused for a moment, as if summoning the words from the depths of his soul. "I love you Howard Moon. I think I always have. I know more than _anything_ that I always, always will." The tears spilled over, dribbling over Vince's sharp cheekbones. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. Gently placing his hand on Howard's left cheek, Vince leaned in and pressed his salty lips against Howard's. Pressing closer for a moment that lasted years and ended too quickly, he ripped himself away and moved to get up.

It took a total of five agonising seconds to happen. 1... Howard fell down a deep, dark hole and hit the bottom with a smack. He looked up, dazed, and saw everything begin to fall towards him. 2... In a blitz of colour, pain and achingly loud noise, everything Howard had ever seen or been witness to tumbled down upon him mercilessly, hitting him in the eyes and temples. 3... He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, he couldn't feel anything but the horrible sensation of his brain being stretched and swelling with the liquid past. 4... He tried to make a sound, to cry out but his mouth was filled with the taste of pancakes with chive and soup with crunchy crouton friends. 5... Suddenly, he felt arms wrap around him protectively and relief flooded through him. He clasped the person to him tightly, ignoring the pain that shot through his heart when he did so – though it was possibly the worst pain yet.

_It's all okay. He's here with me, it's all okay now. _

And then it was over. Howard blinked. He looked around himself. He was on his bed, Vince was next to him, all his private belongings strewn around them. Vince was looking at him nervously. Howard looked down and realised his hand was clamped tightly around Vince's wrist. He loosened his grip but did not let go.

"I…forgive you."

"Oh. …Really?" Vince asked, biting his lip.

"Yeah. I mean, I think you might be aware of this anyway by now," Howard replied, gesturing to the items around them, "but… I love you too."

Vince's mouth dropped open and Howard felt him start to tremble.

"Howa-"

"Yeah." Howard interrupted before Vince could finish, and before Vince could crumble like cottage cheese, he slid his hand behind Vince's neck and pulled him forwards, crashing into their lips together.

It felt backwards at first, Vince being motionless and unable to process what was happening. It lasted about ten seconds, then he seemed to catch on and somewhat took over the situation. The smaller man crawled forwards, climbing onto Howard's lap, sliding his slender hands into his best friend's hair and crushing them closer together, to the point where Howard felt like his lips would be bruised. Vince kept laughing and crying as the kissing continued, and Howard felt helpless feeling the tears on Vince's face against his own cheeks.

Finally, Howard touched Vince lightly on the chest and pushed him backwards gently. Vince was panting a bit and his face was tantalisingly close as he looked Howard closely in the eyes. Before Howard was able to say a word, Vince laughed again.

"Your eyes are brown." Vince lifted his head and kissed Howard's eyelids. "I love brown eyes Howard, I love them." It didn't take long for Vince to get from Howard's eyes back to his mouth again and Howard nearly gave in to Vince's delicious kisses. He remembered something suddenly however and murmured against Vince's lips, "I can't believe you burned the fucking zoo down."

Vince sat back suddenly, his eyes wide and his reddened lips open, ready to explain himself. Howard started to laugh and fell back onto the bed, grinning. Vince joined in and crawled up to lie next to Howard, lying on his side so he could just look at him.

* * *

"Did you always though?" Asked Vince, trailing his fingers down the contours of Howard's face and then along the buttons of his silky shirt. Howard turned his head to look at Vince, who was smiling. He'd been smiling for two hours straight now.

"Yeah. Pretty much. Not when we were little kids or anything pervy, but as soon as I was old enough to figure out why I liked it when you wore tight band t-shirts and cuddled up to me at night."

Vince was actually blushing now. Howard rolled his eyes and stroked Vince's arm.

"I used to think you were some kind of Bill Gates-superman-guy." Vince said dreamily, snuggling into Howard's chest. "You'd swoop in and save me when those wankers were kicking the shit out of me, but you'd do it by confusing them with long words instead."

Howard looked mildly smug. Now it was Vince's turn to roll his eyes.

"Course, I soon learnt you were just a child-man that carried pipes and 'War and Peace' around with him to look smart."

"You cheeky titbox!" Howard was laughing though as he started tickling Vince, not giving in even when he was squirming and shrieking beneath him. Out of desperation, Vince threw his arms around Howard and kissed him hard. They didn't talk again for a while.

* * *

"Right! We're back! Where is he? I've mixed up some stuff but I doubt it'll-"

"Naboo! Shit!" Vince walked hurriedly out of the bedroom wrapping a dressing gown around himself. "I don't think we need it actually, isn't that cool? I managed to bring him back all on my own!"

Naboo looked Vince up and down, taking in his thoroughly messed up hair, his smeared makeup, his apprehensive expression. He turned to Bollo and raised his eyebrows.

"Oi shut it Naboo." Vince said, running a hand through his hair and smiling.

"I didn't say anything."

"Bollo got new gossip to spread. Wait till Camden Elite hear-"

"Not that I give a toss what they think, but seeing as Howard might hesitate before letting the world know every private detail of his life, maybe you should consider that I could ring up Dennis right now and tell him about your 'potion-making' activities? Or is it legal to make vast quantities of dangerous, unstable, instruction-less 'potion enhancer' to sell on the black market?"

Naboo looked wide eyed and beckoned to Bollo to bend down so he could whisper something. Bollo nodded fervently, looking equally scared and they both shuffled off quietly. Vince looked skywards (or ceiling-wards), grinning happily for a moment and closing his eyes as if waiting for this dream to be pulled away from him. Opening his eyes again, he turned and peered around the bedroom door. Pushed up against the window were two single beds, side by side. In the middle sat Howard, reading a 'Global Explorer' with a furrowed brow and the (very) beginnings of a moustache appearing on his lips. He was wrapped in his maroon dressing gown (the one reserved for cuddling) and Vince's pink pom-pom slippers.

Vince thought he'd never seen anything so perfect in his life.

Howard looked up and saw Vince in the doorway. A wide smile spread across his lips, and he threw his magazine across the room. Holding his arms out widely, Howard beckoned Vince with a flick of the head. Vince grinned and ran forwards, right into the arms of everything he'd ever wanted.


End file.
